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Lilac Bush

She bloomed in the sun, her fragrance so sweet
that my thoughts dissolved, like a winsome dream.
Her dress divine, exquisite, yet discreet,
flowing in soft, velvet petals and cream.

I closed my eyes and leaned in to her kiss,
her perfume wandering into my blood.
She was paradise, pure heavenly bliss
within each flower, each lavender bud.

My bewitched soul softened into her arms,
as her aura found me dizzy and light.
And so I fell deeper under her charms,
her pure essence, her enchanting delight.

Beautiful Lilac, I'll never be free
from the seductive spell you've placed on me.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A sonnet for the most wonderful fragrance.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Lilac Bush" by an unknown author is a lovely tribute to the beauty and allure of lilacs. The poem is composed of six stanzas, each with four lines, and follows a consistent rhyme scheme, ABAB. The language is poetic and evocative, with vivid descriptions of the lilac's appearance and scent. The speaker is clearly enamored with the lilac, describing it in terms of paradise, heavenly bliss, and enchanting delight.

One suggested line edit is to change "place" to "placed" in the final line, as it is a more grammatically correct choice.

Overall, the poem is a pleasant read, and the lilac is depicted in a flattering light. However, the language can be a bit flowery at times and may come across as overly sentimental or cliche to some readers. Additionally, the poem lacks a clear narrative or thematic arc, which can make it feel somewhat aimless or lacking in depth. Nonetheless, for those who appreciate romantic poetry that celebrates the beauty of nature, "Lilac Bush" may be a worthwhile read.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Interesting! Thank you!
L

author comment

Very lovely piece. Your choice of words made a wonderful description in regards to the persona. Excellent tribute!

Your last line: Beautiful Lilac, I'll never be free
from the seductive spell you've placed on me. Indeed, your love reached a crescendo.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

So glad you felt the build up. I couldn't find the appropriate words for the indescribable fragrance - still cannot, and I've tried so hard.
Thank you!
L

author comment

There are two in my next door neighbor's yard.
Last year, before Spring, he and I trimmed the bushes of dead limbs
and the sprays of blossoms were magnificent when they came out!
I will smell them this year, and remember the pleasure of working alongside of him.

I don't see much of anything to change here. The only thing that I might touch is
the comma in the third line of the first stanza between dress and divine,
it seems to hold up the flow and the word elegant just doesn't have a smooth sound
which makes for a hesitation. I know [beautiful] is an often used word
and might be called common place, but it does have the three syllables needed
to make the meter. Otherwise, a gorgeous poem that makes me look forward to the scent
of the Lilac bushes. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

What a great task to do with your neighbor! Such a reward! This poem was actually harder than I thought it would be. I am overcome with the fragrance of the lilac - taken to a heavenly place. I cannot think of a single word, or words to describe the fragrance or what it does to the senses. Giving full respect and admiration to the lilac, I think this poem simply fails in its task, and always will. I appreciate your comments, and will rework that S1L3 line - it is flat and comes nowhere near how I wish to convey the grace and benevolence the lilac emits. I really want to keep "beautiful" in the final couplet and don't want to use it twice within the poem. Thank you so much for your help with this!
L

author comment

Her dress divine, exquisite and discrete?
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Much better! Grateful for the suggestion, which I am going to use! (I'm going with the other discreet, allowing her to feel unpretentious even though she is anything but plain.)
Thank you so much!
L

author comment

Loved it.. Alex

That means a lot to me!
L

author comment

Brought back fond memories of my grandmother's lilac bush. We looked forward to it blooming every year! Lilacs still remain one of my favorite flowers and you captured their essence beautifully. Your poetry always takes me back to much happier times! Well done!

~RoseBlack~

I am so glad you had positive feelings with this. Lilacs are simply precious.
Thank you for reading and sharing!
L

author comment
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