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The Light Chalk Lounge

Anyway, whatever. It’s effortless.
Effortless as taking a subway ride
down to the shylock merchant
Who claims he sells pool lights,
those hushed green ones above
the stick and you, a dreamt coalition
of heat and present tense action.
He threaded the place with lanterns,
each one genie lit so you can see
them burn during the day,
Through the dark windowpanes.
He said Americans don’t have mystery,
or some shit like that, and he gave me
the money from the back where a lounge
singer chants some egyptian spell,
taking the time to spread rice over
A chalk outline of some creature,
an abstract green filigree, something.
He says they are placed as the planets
are, and the last time I went he held
one against me, blue lighting my chin
up. There were too many for me
to appreciate.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


'Anyway, whatever' has to come close. I smiled and 'Anyway, whatever'd when I read it.
Dreamed/dreamt, learned/learnt, spended/spent. It often confuses me. Sometimes one is correct and the other wrong, sometimes optional. Any rule of thumb you know of?

Some may crit this as being prose (though no-one has for two months). I think it's poetry, and good poetry at that, mostly on the basis of great imagery and subtle content. It also sounds good.

Forgive them mate for they know not what they don't.

Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

A dreamt coalition of heat and present tense action, loved the poem but this line is a classic. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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