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Life finally tuned..

Life finally tuned..

There’s a space in my mouth where
a tooth used to be I can feel it with
the tip of my tongue.
There are sounds on my mind
where no sounds used to be
especially when I was young.

There’s a giant belly down there where
no belly ever was I can barely see
the end of my toes. There are things I do
now that I never did before like squirting
medicine up inside of my nose

I believe bulbs aren’t as bright anymore
goodness it’s hard to read my book in bed
So now what’s left for me is a hot water
bottle and the prospect of always being lead

With the limp on my leg when I walk,
the space in my tooth when I talk,
the feeling of constantly being in shock,
no wonder some days I get a fucking mental block.

No seriously
isn’t it a shame what nature does to the old,
and it does it, and your not even told.
You go from a giant who’s always quite bold,
to a shivering wreck of a midget that children scold.

Well getting back to this gap in my mouth
and the whistling sound when I speak
To my belly that’s keeps travelling south
and my legs that I hear constantly creak

It’s no wonder that I take a little drink
or maybe sometimes I start before it’s noon
It sure helps when you don’t feel or think
and when all of these parts make a tune.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

A virtual symphony of the squeaks of getting old............stan

Thank you Stan, as they say old age doesn't come alone, but it can be fun as well. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

there is music in this language. It's gorgeous read out loud.
there is a complex, irregular but definitely present meter here too.
Content wise I really like it too, deals with aging without sentimentality or denial.

My only real crit is what the fuck with the coy 'fu----g'?
If the character wouldn't say fucking he would say frigging or fecking or something. Please change that.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Ok sorry i'll change it, no more cop outs. lol. Thank you for your comments and crit. Regards Roscoe

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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