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The life of a dead person [soliloquy]

All is pain
I've tried again and again
There are people who drag me into this life
I love and resent them

If I go it will hurt them
I am not unkind
So I persevere

Narcotics give me not the nods
not the itchy scratchies
just a sense of being normal

The solution?
Death seems best
though that would hurt people

Keep trying to find a way to live
without chronic insomnia
and continual pain

I know you can't answer

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

I'm not sure that this works as a soliloquy.
It clearly has the poet's voice though uses 1st person.
let's see what others say.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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not use first person?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

but I thought Wesley wanted us to stretch beyond what we experience.
I wrote about wronged mothers for example, a theme that is never close to my heart.
You might like to write about some of mother's feelings then that would be really challenging.
That was only a thought again, but well done with what you did!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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In my humble opinion you got a good start with stanza one and two but it feels like you lost your way after that as well as the first person

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

it needs work, thanks Chrys

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have to disagree with Rula and Chrys. Perhaps because we have had this conversation. I think if it were longer it might aid in the reader seeing the continuation of the first person. I do have a little trouble with the last line, but at this time do not have any good critique to offer in its sted.

Scott

yes, I'm definitely going to revisit this, perhaps expand on the philosophical bent- to be or not to be

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

The piece however, strikes a little too close to my home to make me comfortable. Too many words that speak to me. We are much alike my friend. Also, there is no way I can separate this voice from the poet. I know the poet too well.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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of one of my pantheon of fictional characters it might work better

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

This is most certainly a soliloquy.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I read a book by Kahlil Gibran where he was writing about storming the gates of heaven. Since it was a difficult time in my life, I decided to try it. After the second night of storming, I clearly heard a booming voice in my head telling me to BE QUIET!!!. clearly I got on someones last nerve.
Hi Jess. do not know enough about this solioquy subject yet to comment. So again I shall stay quiet. Linda

He who conquers self , has won a great battle

For sure a Soliloquy. I hear the one voice. Separating you from from the voice is hard. Great poetry writing. Dramatic verse works.

I'm rested and is able to see now as I corrected my typos.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Sorry, I don't understand that statement.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Sorry I'm going through one my MS spells and was too tired last night to continue. I didn't wanna miss nobody. But eventually had to give it up. I took some powerful meds to sleep, I'm back but still under the weather mentally and physically.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I do not see why this is not found to be a soliloquy by some. I certainly do because it provides the inner thoughts of the protagonist and expresses them vividly. Isn't that what a soliloquy is?

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks Raj

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

is life the pain..well i will be damned!
makes perfect sense...
live the life of a poet!!

thank you..
!

one never quite gets used to it, I guess that's the point.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A very good soliloquy.
These things are sometimes hard to write as the battle is so real.
If only we could share these deaths as we share life, it would make things seem more normal.
"The life of a dead person" Each day I hear my wife talk to her Sister in Canada, who has just a few months left and it pains me so, that their discomfort cannot be stopped.
The pain I think is the worse thing and I suppose as this write implies, the end is better than to endure no matter how things are.
A gathering of friends to a pre death party would seem an Idea then after, an Irish wake where they celebrate the life of that person.
A good write my friend,
Yours, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks Ian,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

To seeing the wake, the second voice in you soliloquy would be brilliant.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

This is a solliquy, no doubt about it.

Alid

but sad to say... defeats your very essence of poetry.... No I's u always said .....

but then making a dead man come alive is or can be achieved by Jess only.

How I wish you also had read both of mine soli... and dramaee
Wes liked it....u may too
no no whining ...only requesting ...as you have read so many...and as wes said ...we all must read each other and comment
hence cheers Jess

I don't see why this should Not be considered a solo. Nobody is talking save the protagonist. They say write what you know and I suspect you have done so.........stan

I agree and I think I said it was a good soliloquy, just now we move on to the Drama bit and the scene making Wes said something about a play in poetry, I have rewritten mine a bit, but just to direct the play.
Will wait for the others, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

My friend Echo made this space possible, but I erased the words, words, see it will now totally fail as a comment or anything.
Nothing presides.. Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seriously, while reading this, I kept getting the impression of someone wanting to rid themselves of the nasty perplexities of life and just cruise on the highs! Of course, you and I both know that can never happen, at least with any uniformity! Nicely done!

Most of my problems are caused by "wanting to rid themselves of the nasty perplexities of life and just cruise on the highs". Although it's not so much the perplexities as the pain.
Thanks for your reply.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"wanting to rid themselves of the nasty perplexities of life and just cruise on the highs".
That is such a perfect line.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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