Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Liar

Liar!
I call you a liar!

You claim to love yourself
hoping to live a long life
but you hold in your hand
a lighted cigarette
poisoning your body,
polluting the air that you breathe
contradicting your own words
as you surrender to addiction

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

You always touch some lively issues. I think this's why we need to write.
Keep them coming.
If this was mine I'd change "poisoning and polluting" to "to poison/ to pollute" as I think it more powerful, but that's probably only me. Let's see what others think.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I'll wait for others' comments as well.

author comment

I like your honesty - this poem is very clear and concise and really lays it on the line. The title is to the point and the poem follows through in the same manner, There can be no misunderstanding or doubt as to it's interpretation.

You have one little typo - me thinks. "cigarette" one r.

I don't think you have a problem with conveying emotion - your point comes across very strongly.

Love Mand xxxxx

for pointing out the mistake.,Mand.

Alid

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.