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Letters (OCTOBER CONTEST)

The aroma of fresh harvest,
it tugged at my senses.
Drifting me into another world,
a place where I was young again.

I missed the days of youth,
there my family were all intact.
Safe under the watchful eye of Mum,
supplied by my Father’s toils.

Days as the family spread,
contacting through letters.
No modern phones, or gizmos,
hand written, glorious words.

Love brought to us as a treat.
There a postman’s heavy feet.
A beloved red wagon,
parked down the street.

A family gathered to hear,
messages from ones so dear.
A way to build a bridge to a few,
today I received a letter from you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The post vans in the UK are a bright red.. Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

'A way to build a bridge to a few
Today I sent a letter to you'

A letter from past times I never witnessed, as part of a much younger generation. It says a lot, vivid imagery here. And I love the way it all starts with your senses - it's almost like taking us on a journey into the past. The logic works, it's all a reel of images in your mind and ours.

One thing: the punctuation is inconsistent; some places you have periods, others you don't. It obstructs the reading pattern a little, which otherwise flows very nicely.

Still and quiet, yet powerful. Thank you.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

Thank you for your words, my worse enemy is called Punk U Ation, it reflects the lack of English learning.
I left school at 15 and joined the Royal Air Force and had to learn everything for myself,
Where the problems are by PM let me know and I will sort them out if it's not too much trouble.
Take care and great to walk with you,
Yours as always, Ian . x

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

if you read mine latest
smiles will come to u
in wonderment
bard from u?

if you want not to come second again
do visit the contest expectations

You have said nothing about my write and then you only ask of me to read your works, ?????
I will have a look at your words and see if there is anything I can add to your ways,
Take care, Yours Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

smoosh it
if you feel
like it

You may have noticed that most of my writing has been removed from the stream and just the informative pieces left in.
I have been part of Neopoet for near ten years now and as we always tried to do was increase the number of comments that are given to each write, this failed miserably.
So from now on I will answer the few who take time to talk and enter the odd competition but am cutting my time on Neopoet down to a minimum.
Oh! the comp asked for 20 lines which I did, but it matters not, second is a good place.
Take care young Bard, and know I shall be reading your stuff, and watching you,
Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

This is my last contest
no more
why waste others time
thanks for reading me Ian
as and when

I shall also to read u continue
and all those who mine do

Thanx to all of u old and new

Not sure where you live, but in most cities in UK and USA you can find poets and poetry workshops. I belong to a few here in Washington DC. The direct feedback is great, and you can hopefully get more divers and personal comments and really get a feel for sharing your work. We cannot depend on Neopoet to fill the all gaps. It is just one on many avenues available to us poets.
I am trying myself get different approaches to the craft as a result of reading a lot of poetry, and attending readings and workshops. You certainly have a feeling for the craft. My only recommendation is to hide behind the poem a bit more. It imitates prose in that it walks, its a narrative that has a direction to go from one place to another. Poetry has less destination, it dances in place. Wordsworth is great, but he is not the universe. Other than the on off rhyme in some stanzas we have one like this:

I missed the days of youth,
there my family were all intact.
Safe under the watchful eye of Mum,
supplied by my Father’s toils.

This is factual, conversational, lacks for me intensity. There's nothing that's unique to you. The craft for me demands more metaphor. make the words and images make me feel the loss you feel.
Don't settle for cliches. The idea of writing the letters, the title. This poem lacks the intimacy.
How easy it is to comment on poems, when it is such a hard craft. My own feeling, as it has been from when I was first introduced to your work, is you should read more about poetry and the great modern poets as well as the classics. I think, I know, that all the great poets do, nobody creates in a vacuum. The more I read the more I understand about my own work and how the great poets work their magic.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thanks for your input, as you can see by the lack of poetic script, this as with many of my pieces have been written in a hurry and not edited.
Now as the winter closes around me, I rarely have the time to read much,
I have 3 and a half books of my favourite writer to read and still no time, also 124 audio tapes to change into written words and stories, then the day to day tasks and many other things to sort out.
I had been spending around two hours per day on Neopoet for the last ten years, and now as there are enough poets writing here, I have decided to just maybe join in on the odd occasion such as competitions, this will give me time to catch up with the world, and my hobbies..
Thanks for your comments will see you again some time,,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
abs TRUE
Eumolpus r
ee cummsing and u

You and I thought along the same lines for this contest. Autumn brings back so many fond memories for me as a child, I find myself wishing for those days back even though it is not possible. I thought your write was very descriptive and the imagery was good. I could feel your reminiscing and sorrow throughout. Funny how we take the simpler times for granted and then wish for them back.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

We have been on many journeys with Nevermore and that lovely Carrie, My prose and Digit, plus many tales, have kept us in touch through Neopoet.
I have been here near ten years now and notice that the site has many new members, I have found that I need to leave off writing for a while, but will join in the odd workshop such as Barbara's joint write and the contests.
You take care and thank you for you dogged support, I shall start to transpose the tapes which I have neglected by being on Neo each morning and evening.
You take care and look after your family.
Our love to you as always Ian, and the Children xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I shall miss new writes from you but will look for the occasional contribution. Please keep in touch.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

It has been a few years now that we have written for Neo and sometimes our friends, I will see what I can do as regards new writes.
You take care and look after that family of your, I think I have your Face Book page someplace but if not I am on "Ian Thomas Howard" where I will be putting old and new pieces.
Thanks for your visits it is lovely to walk with you and Nevermore,
Love to you as always Ian.T xxx

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

That last line had a definite Frost feel to it. And I can barely recall those days of gathering around to hear a letter read from a distant friend or family member.......stan

Thank you for your visit, yes I also miss letters.
Many years ago my Sister in Australia use to write to me, and I still have some of her letters here in my collection of air mails.
Sadly Eileen left us in 1988, and is missed, as are many of my family, the brothers are all gone now, Gerald, Gordon, and now Brian, Also My Sister Edna.
The days seem to rush by they are noted by habit, Tuesday is rubbish day what bins to put out and Thursday is visiting a Paraplegic friend of ours, the Saturday is shopping. The days in-between are just for waiting lol.
One day we will walk among the aspens together don't forget to call my name..
Take care of you both out there and thanks again for your visit,
Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

A lovely one, incredibly endearing. I have nothing constructive to add (school is wearing my brain a little thin), but want to mention how much I enjoyed "Love brought to us as a treat" and "The aroma of fresh harvest" These stood out so much to me.

Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Lovely to hear from you, Your picture now I hope you don't mind, but some makeup hints and some waterproof makeup would help lol, and please try to smile when doing selfies.
You enjoy your learning and I know you will do well, thanks again for your visit,
Yours as always. Ian.. xx

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

just as soon as Halloween is over! Promise!

Hugs,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Ian?

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