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Letters (OCTOBER CONTEST)

The aroma of fresh harvest,
it tugged at my senses.
Drifting me into another world,
a place where I was young again.

I missed the days of youth,
there my family were all intact.
Safe under the watchful eye of Mum,
supplied by my Father’s toils.

Days as the family spread,
contacting through letters.
No modern phones, or gizmos,
hand written, glorious words.

Love brought to us as a treat.
There a postman’s heavy feet.
A beloved red wagon,
parked down the street.

A family gathered to hear,
messages from ones so dear.
A way to build a bridge to a few,
today I sent a letter to you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Two comments in the last few weeks, well it has at last got to me. There are many things I can do, other than waste all of the hours spent on commenting here, Take care all, maybe I shall have a look at Neopoet When I can spare the time. My unconditional love to you all, Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

'A way to build a bridge to a few
Today I sent a letter to you'

A letter from past times I never witnessed, as part of a much younger generation. It says a lot, vivid imagery here. And I love the way it all starts with your senses - it's almost like taking us on a journey into the past. The logic works, it's all a reel of images in your mind and ours.

One thing: the punctuation is inconsistent; some places you have periods, others you don't. It obstructs the reading pattern a little, which otherwise flows very nicely.

Still and quiet, yet powerful. Thank you.

 

Love,
Steph

... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

Thank you for your words, my worse enemy is called Punk U Ation, it reflects the lack of English learning.
I left school at 15 and joined the Royal Air Force and had to learn everything for myself,
Where the problems are by PM let me know and I will sort them out if it's not too much trouble.
Take care and great to walk with you,
Yours as always, Ian . x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

if you read mine latest
smiles will come to u
in wonderment
bard from u?

if you want not to come second again
do visit the contest expectations

You have said nothing about my write and then you only ask of me to read your works, ?????
I will have a look at your words and see if there is anything I can add to your ways,
Take care, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

smoosh it
if you feel
like it

Not sure where you live, but in most cities in UK and USA you can find poets and poetry workshops. I belong to a few here in Washington DC. The direct feedback is great, and you can hopefully get more divers and personal comments and really get a feel for sharing your work. We cannot depend on Neopoet to fill the all gaps. It is just one on many avenues available to us poets.
I am trying myself get different approaches to the craft as a result of reading a lot of poetry, and attending readings and workshops. You certainly have a feeling for the craft. My only recommendation is to hide behind the poem a bit more. It imitates prose in that it walks, its a narrative that has a direction to go from one place to another. Poetry has less destination, it dances in place. Wordsworth is great, but he is not the universe. Other than the on off rhyme in some stanzas we have one like this:

I missed the days of youth,
there my family were all intact.
Safe under the watchful eye of Mum,
supplied by my Father’s toils.

This is factual, conversational, lacks for me intensity. There's nothing that's unique to you. The craft for me demands more metaphor. make the words and images make me feel the loss you feel.
Don't settle for cliches. The idea of writing the letters, the title. This poem lacks the intimacy.
How easy it is to comment on poems, when it is such a hard craft. My own feeling, as it has been from when I was first introduced to your work, is you should read more about poetry and the great modern poets as well as the classics. I think, I know, that all the great poets do, nobody creates in a vacuum. The more I read the more I understand about my own work and how the great poets work their magic.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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