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Letter to myself (August Contest)

I am writing this to myself for when the race of time has beaten me that this place at this time is our sanity’s swan song .Which presents itself in the form of riots, bloodshed ,fire ,laughter obvious signs of complete mass hysteria that surprisingly has exiled me out of this world of the living .For I right now am the viewer who is witnessing the end of all humanity and sanity and now witnessing the rise of these barbaric psychopaths who has drench themselves in the ocean of mass hysteria and now I see with my own two eyes rising from the water horrific obscene creatures whose eyes shows the signs of bloodlust and whose mind is nothing but a hollow shell with the outer-core of insanity holding the wishes of or thoughts of death ,devastation and destruction that they want to do so happily upon us finally bringing them their glorious intoxicating pleasure that brings them absolute joy and happiness for if they shall survive and not be put to rest by these so called people then god help me .

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

Hi Edward, nice to read you again. You always write about powerful topics, this is one I totally agree with.
Apart from that, you need to check some repetitions and typos. For now, it's a stream of consciousness paragraph. I'm sure you can work on it and turn it into a wonderful poem. You've got all the imagery, content and philosophical questions there, all you need to do is tidy it up.
I'll be back, enjoy reading you, always. Hope you're well, best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

This is a big letter to yourself. It has a lot to say. A little punctuation may help with its presentation. One or two little things also (try two eyes instead of 'to' eyes) may benefit by another look over.
There is no pressure to categorize this piece as 'explicit' Hayden ~ If you re-edit it into the stream I am sure more people will be able to enjoy it.

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Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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I have to agree with Gracy that the piece is a stream of consciousness piece. What is there is very strong, I’d recommend you put it in some form of your choosing. Make use of the white space.

Thank you

Hlm life without literature is a life without logic.

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