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Letter To My Ex

Submitted by Mr joghe on Sat, 2022-07-09 16:22

It was horrible...
As I passed my night without you
The richest beauty of our time
The trader of love, clearer than the sky
Live in peace and cares
My eyes winked every night like a dove bathed in the milk
You’re a princess going out early morning; Prettier like moon
Cleanest as sun
Fearful as war,
Let’s leave the distance because you hold my heart strongly
Your love is so good than wine
Your scent is sweeter; the deepest source of water that
Quench my thirst.
Flow into my garden and bring forth fruits
Behold! My lover, you’re beautiful like Eden
Your lips are like cotton-flower
Your neck is cuter than a castle-peak
Your voice is soften
Arise O east wind and
The south, pass my garden with my lover.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week July 2nd to 9th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-07-10 05:20

Candlewitch's picture
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in this line you could use an ellipse: It was horrible (It was horrible...) it does a pause, and accentuates the line itself, causing the reader to hold their breath in anticipation. your punctuation is sparse and needs work. otherwise this is a good piece.

always, Cat

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Mr joghe

Fri, 2022-07-15 07:47

Mr joghe's picture

Thank you. I like your comment.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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