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A Letter to Gaza's Conqueror

Your way to Gaza' is too long;
it won't be fun to go along,
it isn't yours, you don't belong,
but she's my song, but she's my song,

The people there do not feel fear.
They don't have swords nor have a spear,
but they have faith that shows so clear
give me your ear, give me your ear.

Wherever you tread, find a thorn;
an ironed heart, a heavy stone,
that will cause you a lot of moan,
of this I warn, of this I warn.

So play away your filthy games,
they all are but a faker's flames.
Why don't you try some different claims?
Offset your aims, offset your aims.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

RULA ....LEADER

LOVED VICE

IAN
ESKER
VOUNTEERS

any more add ons?
Stan ?

u were 44
over two years and three months ago
u may like to change the freshning glow

Any thoughts about the poem?

As for my age, I shall keep it as is so others won't think I am getting that old LOL. You know how do women think, don't you?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

This emotive write made a fine reading for me,, almost as if the medium of poetry is used to deal with frustration due to helplessness. I also liked the way you have used repetitions with end lines in each stanza which re-enforces the feelings of the writer. I'm not aware if this is particular form of poetry.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

and many thanks for your kind visit.
I am happy you've felt the true emotions behind these lines. I am positive many share me the same towards those who are facing such oppression around the world too. They are many, aren't they?

As for the form, this is a Monotera. Each stanza is four lines with one rhyme. Each line is eight syllables and the last line you do the repetition as illustrated above.
You might like to try it one day .
Appreciate your visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Thanks for giving information about Monotera Form. After knowing about it, I appreciate your poem even more, given the challenge of expressing your thoughts in eight syllable lines through and through. I would surely like to have a go at it some time.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Monotera is it? Hmm, Learn something new today. Perhaps I'll try to write it someday. I'll expect trying to put the same rhyme in a single stanza to be the hardest challenge for me in this form. We'll see...I still find it simpler than sonnet, which I have yet to consider writing. Say, have you any plans to begin a workshop? You do have some insights on different formats of poetry writing.
Anyway, I like the display of emotion here. It's not whiny in any sense. It's more like a warning.

Alid

sir Wesley asked for it earlier, but I think I am a bit coward.
I don't like the mere feeling that I might fail.
But I might consider it .
One day. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

it is actually a chance for you to get better at it.

Alid

You are absolutely right.
Let me think over this. I don't like to haste such a decision.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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