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A Letter Between Friends
dear depression, 2/7/15
every time I hear your name
I get squesmish. every time
I see you I cry. every time
I'm reminded that you wont leave
me alone I feel trapped.
dear depression, 7/9/15
why wont you leave me alone.
I live with you. is that not enough?
you follow me around at school.
you whisper to me as if we're friends.
it's like we are speaking in different
languages. meaning I cant tell you
to leave. it's like we're from different
cultures. yours implies that in your
country what you do to me is 'nice'.
dear depression, 7/16/15
leave, I'm begging you.
die, please.
dear depression, 2/5/16
I'm done with you.
from: Justin, Leelah, Taylor, and Lui
dear people,
I will not stop. I enjoy
seeing people think like
I think. I will not stop. in fact,
this letter has persuaded me
to have my old friend stop by.
his name is suicide.
don't worry, I already have
your address. and by the
time this comes in the mail,
he will have already gotten to
you all. there is no harm in this.
its only a letter between friends
isn't it?
sincerely, depression
Review Request (Direction):
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
this involves some of the names of people who died from suicied. i felt that this could put there name out there as like a momorial kind of thing. i didnt put out their last names because i dont want to disrespect the family. thats all.
Editing stage:
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Comments
scooby
Sun, 2017-03-26 22:39
this included some of the
this included some of the names of people who died from suicide. I didn't say their last name out of respect for the family.
author commentscooby
Sun, 2017-03-26 22:41
where the names came from..
this included some of the people's names who died from suicide. I didn't say there last name out of respect for the family. I hope you liked the poem.
author commentKeith Logan
Mon, 2017-03-27 10:55
Hello Scooby
The happy chappy has never known depression. Even when I was paralyzed with pain with what looked like certain death in my near future. I accepted my fate and wrote a couple of poems about it. On the other hand I have known some very good people who have been unable to shake that monster off. It seems to effect the more intelligent parts of society but I suspect that is little comfort. All I can suggest is talk to friends, find at least one you can open up to. If that does not help, seek professional advice, your doctor can recommend someone who can help. If on the other hand this is simply a poem, it certainly works.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Geezer
Mon, 2017-03-27 08:42
I think...
this poem has some real potential. I like that you write it as an emotion that speaks to one as an intimate. A couple of things here:
1] The word squeamish has a typo [s]
2] Use commas not periods
3]Delete the lines relating to being from different cultures and speaking different languages.
You have already established that you hear and understand depression in the beginning. I feel that you have rushed to post this and not do a proper edit and polish. That's ok, I understand that when you have created something that you feel is important, you want to share it right away! I have done this myself and I'm sure that there are others that have too. Take your time, we aren't going away anytime soon. ~ Geezer
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jane210660
Wed, 2017-03-29 08:10
The subject matter of this
The subject matter of this poem, I am familiar with.
I very much like the way you have personified both depression and suicide and the way you have dealt with the difficult relationship between a man and his demons.
As Geezer has already said, there is a typo and a heavy sprinkling of full stops (UK translation for periods).
With just a little tweeking on use of punctuation and perhaps layout - read it out loud to yourself to make sure it flows, you will have a very meaningful and moving poem.
I like it very much.
Jx
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