Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Let your heart flow to me

I know you miss my silly talks,
the silence which speaks a lot,
the sharing in everything.
every moment day or night,
secretly wish to stick together
with every beep of our heart.

But you never say it...
Just let it out...,
Let your heart flow to me

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Edited/ corrected by Weirdelf Heartfelt thanks Jess
Editing stage: 

Comments

Good to read yours after a long time. I will come back to read this again at leisure. In the mean time, wish to know if you would prefer to change "spoke lot" to "speaks a lot" to maintain present tense as in other lines of 1st stanza.

raj (sublime_ocean)

Has it taken you nearly three years to write another piece LOL.
Welcome back we always miss our poets, we have quite a few from India now, you should all join up and help each other, then come into the stream and workshops here.
The time difference is very big from India to the States must be 12 hours in some cases.
It is lovely to see so many of you though and I hope we can be here for you all.
Take care out there, yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Hi,

Thank you Raj for welcoming back and for your feedback. Will work on it.

Cheers,

Kavi

author comment

Hi Ian,

Yes back here after long time. All these days I have been caught up with my work all time, so hardly find time for poetry. Got to work lot :) will start up soon.

Cheers

author comment

This is a nice piece.l like it.

alid
I'm inviting you to read my poems too. need a lot of feedbacks to help me improve....

Hi Alidzain,

Thankyou, yes would be back at free time to read your poems.

Cheers,

Kavi

author comment

I will be eagerly waiting for your feedbacks, then
till then, live free, live well

Alid
one other thing, just call me Alid will do. :)

but I like to trim till I get direct to the point but this is not necessarily right.

Here is how I'd rework some of the lines, just an example, you might not like it, so please dicard it all together.

I know you miss my silly talks,
the silence which speaks lot,
the sharing in everything,
every second and every night,

Just thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

your suggestion really sound good, thanks lot for it.

Cheers,

Kavi :)

author comment

I don't know if your remember me I was 'Seren' on the old site

I really liked your poem but there was one glaring thing that stands out for me

I know you miss my silly talks,
the silence which speaks lot, <--- "the silence which speaks [a] lot" or the other alternative "the silence which speaks [lots]."

that's the only thing I can see that needs attention you've done a good job with your edits nice to see you again :)

kindest regards Jayne-Chloe :)

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I was about to suggest a change but notice that Jayne has already done that...adding an [a] as proposed by her in L2 S1

Cheers...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Am so sorry I seriously don't remember but am happy that you remember me. Glad to know you. Thank you for your suggestion noted and implemented..:) Is your real name Jayne ?

Cheers,

Kavi

author comment

Suggestion noted and implemented...:)

Cheers,

Kavi

author comment

I have taken the liberty to make a few more suggestions. If they don't appeal to you, please ignore them

I know you miss my silly talks,
the silence which speaks a lot,
the sharing in everything.
every second and every night, [every moment day or night]
Secretly wish to stay all the time,[secretly wish to tick together] small s since previous line has a comma
Our life together, [with every beep of our heart]

Cheers..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hey raj,

Thanks for suggestion, its updated. Sounds more better now :)

Cheers,

Kavi

author comment

Good to know that the suggestions worked for you and made you smile. The smile is more effective than Thanks.

Keep smiling..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Right...:)

author comment

Yep, that's spot on and made me smile too..

I don't know if you know a song by the legendary Charlie Chaplin which is about smiling. If you wish, I will pm the lines of the song to you, so that you will never stop smiling :)

Cheers!

raj (sublime_ocean)

Am not aware of that song, please ping them would love to check :)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.