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Let It Be

Let it be
that hatred is the venom
you spit out
before it poisons
your heart and soul,
that your faith remains
fresh like the morning dew
when the day begins
as you live your life anew
and the smile that you wear
is not a hypocrite's lie

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you for the visit and the comment.

Alid

author comment

The poem is pretty crisp and if my perception is right, I believe is meant to express the Protagonist's hatred for the dubious smile of a hypocrite to cover up the lies with a smile. If so the opening line "let it be" communicates quite the opposite, meaning the Protagonist's consent to it.. In that case you may want to slightly alter the poem to read thus:-

Hatred is the venom
you spit out
before it poisons
your heart and soul,
that your faith remains
fresh like the morning dew
when the day begins
as you live your life anew
and the smile that you wear
conceals a hypocrite's lie

Of course if my perception is wrong, ignore the above...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

just to clarify. If you see that verse about the smile, you'll find that it reads
and the smile that you wear
is not a hypocrite's lie"

If I put it in a single sentence beginning with the the title, it will be
"Let it be the smile that you wear is not a hypocrite's lie."
It can also be said in this way -
Don't let your smile be an insincere act.

Thanks for the visit.

Alid.

author comment

Alid it was only a suggestion.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I am clarifying for the benefits of others who might similarly misunderstood it. Just sharing what I mean when I wrote it, not, that's all. I know you mean well, old friend.:D

Alid

author comment

Let it be is is a good title and the pacing is good

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Alid

author comment
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