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LET THE DRUMS BEGIN
Let the drums begin to beat
hoist the banners, let them soar
hear cadence of the marching feet
because we're going off to war.
Let politicians speak and pose
and bands build fervor in faint heart
as civilians' blood lust grows
ere rifles sing and the tanks start.
Make war look like a noble thing
that it's fought for some great cause
which can be sold as anything
to patriots who never think or pause.
Because war is an awful thing
with bodies strewn, men torn apart
while mortars fire and burst ears ring
in homage to blood's awful art.
And it takes a great deal of diversion
that's what the parades are for
to take our thought off the perversion
of all the best youths killed in war.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
jane210660
Tue, 2017-06-27 06:13
Wonderful
Apart from being very poignant, I love the rhythm, which has a marching feel to it.
The only bit I slightly tripped on, were the last 2 lines.
I wonder if
'to take our thoughts off the perversion
of killing our young men in war.'
Flows better. Possibly not.
My only crit of an otherwise extremely good poem.
Jx
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scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:53
For once
i actually installed a rhythm trip on purpose....I know it's hard to believe lol. I wanted people to have pause to consider the truth of those last two lines.........stan..PS thanks for the kind words
author commentweirdelf
Tue, 2017-06-27 08:59
You are getting better at meter despite yourself, Stan.
Some lucky bastards like Lonnie have a natural ear for it.
Us poor plebs have to learn and strive for it.
You're using trochaic with a truncated stressed foot at the end of the line, powerfully rhythmic, marching orders.
Let the /drums be/gin to /beat
hoist the /banners,/ let them /soar
hear the/ cadence of /marching /feet
because/ we're go/ing off to war.
As you can see you don't maintain it perfectly, nor should you.
My headset has just died but I'll see if I can do a reading for you from my crummy laptop mike.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Tue, 2017-06-27 10:22
practice, practice, practice
Even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then. I had forgotten what this type meter was called but it Did seem to fit the theme well. appreciate the visit and encouragement.........stan
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