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Legacy

Legacy

you died,
having found
a false peace.
did winged angels
of silky down,
spirit you away
to softer lands
of brighter suns
where children play
and beech trees sway?
in your life of pain
you spread it around
to innocent places
it should not
have marred and sullied,
tiny blameless souls
whom you battered,
lashing out you bullied
your touch was a sting
reflecting and causing
lasting sorrow,
insidious scars
of poisoned lesions
wounds to color
a distant morrow.
yet when you lay dying
on crisp white sheets,
your grasp so cold
begging eyes did meet,
that of the lamb
of your loins.
you did slaughter
your third,
and youngest
unwanted daughter.
you in final breath,
did ask forgiveness
to be blessed.
she looked down at you
and in spirit
of generosity,
she lied as she thought
the obvious solution
was one of false absolution,
and so she lied giving peace
and a pitying touch.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I have finally forgiven myself for the biggest lie I ever told.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

our conversation on that point, and I am glad that you have done as you said you one day would. I see nothing that I would change. Excellent! ~ Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I really stewed over this one. it took me awhile to get it right. if I say I am going to do something, you can bet on me to do it. (a lesson taught to me by my Dad) I'm very glad that you like it. I highly value your opinion. you are a good man.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

for your obvious delusions. LoL I appreciate your regards. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

constant (who did that long ago song (I Am Constant?)

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Sounds like a Hymn. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

It started out ("I am constant as the morning star") I'll go look it up/

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

The Climax Blues Band
I loved the tenor sax!

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

look it up, myself! Probably have heard it, just don't recognize it. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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