Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Legacy
Legacy
I have no feet to walk the earth
no fins to swim the sea
no wings to soar the sky above
my conscience bothers me
my brain is smaller than my soul
my heart beats way to fast
the blood that flows within my veins
was shed in ages past
tighter now the cord constricts
that binds me to a lie
truth may come to set me free
but still I’ll wonder why
the earth revolves, the sea rolls on,
the sky grows ever grey
I wonder if the elder gods
will ever plainly say
that life is death and death is all
that life was meant to be
forgive this fool for being blind
I have no eyes to see
C. Lon R. Bruso
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
China Blue
Thu, 2015-08-06 14:56
ok
Beautifully written as you always do but way depressing
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Lonnie
Thu, 2015-08-06 16:52
Thank you Dear!
As you well know, I am often moody if nothing else! I appreciate you taking time to read this and give me your honest opinion!
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2015-08-06 17:03
Hi neighbor
I guess death is the one legacy we all share. Well written but...........stanza 2 line 2 almost screams to be far too fast for alliteration to me ..............stan
Lonnie
Sat, 2015-08-08 05:33
Hey Stan,
Thanks for the read and the comment! There is no alliteration involved in this poem that I know of, unless I goofed somewhere! LOL!!
author commentweirdelf
Fri, 2015-08-07 22:28
so honest and vulnerab;e
Possibly one of your best poems.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Lonnie
Sat, 2015-08-08 05:36
Thanks Jess,
I tried hard with this one to be just that, brutally honest and open. Inner feelings displayed for all to see and debate upon. Thank you for taking time to leave me feedback on this!
author commentEsker
Sat, 2015-08-08 03:54
freaking amazing as always...
a tad dark...but this time strangely interesting
from beginning to end
I like the mythical changes
cryptic without the losing of story
cause its Real...
thank U Lonnie!
Lonnie
Sat, 2015-08-08 05:40
Hello Stephen!
Glad you chose to stop by on this one as I really needed your unique insight and opinion! Very dark indeed, but its what I often feel like deep inside, like I really don't matter much. Anyways, thank you again for your input!
author commentSparrow
Sat, 2015-08-08 04:20
Lonnie
Your Legacy was to live and learn, that the world had you play a role is another way of learning, life is hard and the hardest part is to live it.
The road you walked you walked with many others.
This is a great piece of writing, and from the thoughts of the inner man, you will never be blind young warrior, just know that all the things done have a reason.
Take care,
Yours as always Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Lonnie
Sat, 2015-08-08 05:42
Thank you Ian,
I certainly have learned a bit in my 68 years on earth, but probably a lot less than I should have had I paid closer attention to some things! The feedback and thoughts are deeply appreciated!
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2015-08-08 09:01
My guess is....
wondering if we really matter in this world is something that only some do. There are many that can't or won't, examine their lives to ask;"Do I matter?". A good, introspective work. Keep us thinking Lonnie! ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lonnie
Sat, 2015-08-08 11:03
Thanks Gee!
This wasn't an easy write for me, but I felt rather compelled to do it. Your feedback and kind words mean a great deal, Thank you!
author comment