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to Leazle

i took your picture from my heart and hung it on the wall
in the corridor where you used to passage through.
when the night is idle in worship and the passion call
i will walk through the hallway and visit you.

our dreams will remain in the closets of our yesterday
though i will have to move on to tomorrow
i know that i will have to do it on my own; my way
i have no regrets or remorse but only sorrow

i still smell your fragrance in the air around me
i still see the laughter in your starry eyes
and the embrace of your being in our daily spree
i dread the holy stillness after the rushing byes

your healing hands caressed many wounds and injuries
your invoking heart arrested many souls for eternity
but when you needed help with your own severities
you could not assist yourself in that moment before transity

i will wait for you in my dreams and when you show
we will soar beyond memories and time
into the midst of our own season and morrow
and reasons sublime
( this poem is dedicated to my cousin Leazle whose husband, Japhta, a medical doctor and theologist, died in a tragic car accident)

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your wordcrafting is evident in the seemingly relaxed way you use the structure and long lines to enhance the prosodic values. Maintaining a strong emotional content without sentimentality.

Just one word in one line bothers me a little. Arrested.
your invoking heart arrested many souls for eternity
I'm sorry I don't quite get the intent here.

Good to see you again, it's been a while.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

thanx for taking the time... I take heed of your suggestion.
regards.

author comment

This is a very elemental poem that moves the heart and soul with its passionate wording. I believe this is the first of your work I have read, but I will be looking for more, rest assured! Very nice writing indeed!

And very nice to be able to read this write of yours
I really like it
HavIng had my own losses to contend with, i find this work soothing and inspiring

I especially like the concept of the picture taken from your heart and placed in the hallway to visit with

Unlike jess, i have no problem with the word 'arrested' - maybe 'from eternity' might work better than 'for eternity'?.... or even 'bound for eternity'

What i do have a slight problem with is the last line - it is just a tad too short
All imo of course :)

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

An excellent write for a person that is missed so much.
Good to see you here again had missed your poetry.
I notice that there are quite a few poets here from Africa it would be nice to see you make a group and come chat or write as a Blog from your part of the world.
I spent many years in South Africa not much time in the Cape though I did lose a couple of Golf balls at Milnerton course lol.
I have never played golf and one of our group wanted to go there to play a round, Must go but thanks for being here again, Yours Ian.T (Yenti)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

just as much. good to be back - thanx for the insight. would like to play a few rounds with you Ian.
regards.

author comment

We can have a match on words and the odd poem, you pick the theme and we will write, letting the others judge them lol.
Great to have you back, Yours Ian..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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