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Learning
Writing on blackboards too high to reach,
Prisoners all - to learn and to teach.
The joys and frustrations of one day in school
Stifle the wise one and aggravate the fool.
Education is touted by scholars and statesmen
Who don't know the who, what, why, or when.
They have much to contribute in rules, lore, and law
But they haven't been able to make sense of it all.
Learning is personal - a near, dear thing
That doesn't wait for a bell to ring.
It reaches and grasps in the most devious ways,
No matter what anyone thinks, does or says.
It' a beautiful process to see or to hear
But too often it stops when teachers draw near.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Line 12 ends with a forced verse - says (long a that rhymes with ways). I don't like it. If anyone can come up with a more natural end to that line I would appreciate it. Thanks.
Editing stage:
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Comments
themoonman
Mon, 2017-01-23 15:54
Hi WonderWoods,
I like your poem, great subject to
write about!
I did feel more attention to the rhythm
could/would smooth out the read aloud.
Some lines are longer and to me, it
distracts, probably just me.
There are many words that could
replace "says" but you may have to
change the wording a bit to fit, I'm
sure you can do that if you give it
enough time.
thanks for sharing
Richard
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2017-01-24 00:11
I believe,
I believe you have a point Mr Woods, nice poem. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Tater Tot
Sat, 2017-02-18 14:47
Learning
I'm enjoying your work. What you have to say is interesting. And I think I would enjoy it even more without the rhyme. The echo of words which rhyme just because they end a line draws my attention from the very sound thought.
Geezer
Sat, 2017-06-10 12:52
Prays...
would end that line nicely. It is always a pleasure to me to rhyme so that it doesn't sound forced. I truly love the rhythm and the feeling that rhyme gives. Yes, sometimes you have to search for a different way to say what you want to convey, but that is the challenge of rhyme. If you can't find a word to rhyme with what you have. Change the line to something that reflects what you are trying to say and still rhyme. Anyone can write lines without rhyme, but it takes something special to make things come out the way you want when you rhyme. Keep the rhyme alive!
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