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Learners Mirror Poetry ....Thanks Edit!

The mirror........
You stand right before me
in admiration
of self emulated beauty
the giggle is spontaneous
and
genuine
then you break down into a seeming reunion
now you dance
after a refreshing perfumed prance
let your towel fall
without a trace of wrath
then you laugh,
loud
the world may hear
as you are seemingly calling
for your loved one
oh my dear

finally through life’s magnetic trance
you wander
and
mindlessly ballet dance

then it’s all over
the mirror cracks
all curves break
and
cheeks smack
you shrivel...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Beau has said all that needs attention, a damn good write, these are the writes that we have been looking for. lol
No need to call, Jess he will comment if needed, you take care out there in never never land, Yours Sparrow.

Ian.T and Yenti are having tea in the cave can't think why !!!

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

have modified it

loved

author comment

but when he was bad he was horrid.

This is not horrid.

My only quibble is
is an implanted fiancée for thee [why oh why do you use those archaic thees and thous? They only sound pretentious and add nothing.]

I don't understand the reference to Judy. What did I miss?

The ending is brutal almost beyond endurance and yet somehow elevates the poem to the sublime.

I give you endless shit, dear Loved, and always read your work, to find these pieces of enduring art.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I give you endless shit,
dear Loved,
and always read your work, ....
to find these pieces of enduring art. WOW! Should I thank you Jess!

That's why I admire you most
Call a bloody spade a spade
and hack any one
who with poetry does trade.

I know no nuances of poetry
as I was born a poet
So me thinks!

loved

author comment

See I told you so, that this would catch Jesses eye if it was needed, Yours, Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

is that another poem?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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