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THE LAY OF LEITHIAN (Imagery shop)

The Lay Of Leithian by J.R.R. Tokien

A king there was in days of old
ere Man had yet.............the mould
his power was.........in cavern's shade,
his had was over glenn and glade.
Of .........his crown, his............green
his silver lances.........................;
the starlight in his shield was caught
ere moon was made or sun was wrought.

In after days, when to the shore
of middle- earth from Valinor
the Elvin-hosts in might returned
and.............................
when kings of Eldamor went by
in strength of war, ..........................
then still his...........trumpets blew
when sun was young and moon was new.
Afar then in Beleriand
in Doriath's .......................land,
King Thingol sat on .............throne
in.....................halls of stone :
there beryl, pearl and opal pale,
and metal wrought.......................mail
buckler and corset, axe and sword,
for......than all wealth in hall,
and............than are born in Men,
a daughter had he, Luthein.

Here's my version

A king there was in days of old
ere Men yet had left the mould
his power was born in cavern's shade,
his hand was over glenn and glade.
Of gold his crown, his cloak was green
his silver lances straight and keen;
the starlight in his shield was caught
ere man was made or sun was wrought.

I after-days, when to the shore
if Middle-earth from Valinor
the Elvin-hosts in might returned
and to him all allegiance swore
when kings of Eldamor went by
in strength of war, with mighty cry
then still his gilted trumpets blew
when sun was young and moon was new.
Afar then in Beleriand,
in Doriath's beleaguered land,
King Thingol sat on his iron throne
in hoary hallowed halls of stone :
there beryl, pearl and opal pale,
and metal wrought to fine chain mail
buckler and corset, axe and sword,
and myriad spears were laid in hoard :
for greater than all wealth in hall,
and more precious than all born in Men,
a daughter had he, Luthein.

I hope the original writer isn't rolling in his grave ..........stan

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

A well done job here! I thought the story you've told with the imagery you've thrown here and there makes a sound sense. Other than the first two words in the second stanza, where you've missed a letter or so, you've really told a nice story. Wesley's choice was great to introduce us to it.
Thanks and again Bravo for a good job!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Don't tell anybody about a shop leader making a typo.......that might make me seem capable of making mistakes lol...........stan

author comment

I didn't like some of the meter changes, but that's just me. The imagery worked however.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Imagine Me not worrying about strict meter lol. I must leave it as is for now so everybody will have a shot at the same target.............stan

author comment

I think we scarcely gave the meter a thought. At least me :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

about the poems we've worked on in this workshop

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

with meter is that I tend to place accent where I need it instead of where it really is. Fortunately this is a shop on imagery and specifically the right amount of imagery............stan

author comment

Rula has said what I would have said. You have done what team members expect of their captain by leading from the front. I wouldn't have expected anything less from you given your prowess in poems with imagery.

raj (sublime_ocean)

Obama has shown how leading from the rear doesn't work lol. I Try to lead by example so that others don't feel like they're being driven but, rather, directed. As to my prowess in imagery I just write what I see..........stan

author comment

You are being humble. I have always appreciated how wonderfully you have led this workshop and the way things have panned out is testimony how thoughtfully you have planned every step and kept everyone guessing and engaged without which this thread wouldn't have surpassed the 400+ mark thus far.

raj (sublime_ocean)

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