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Late Write Blues

Submitted by themoonman on Mon, 2012-06-18 06:29

In the middle of the night, awake, I watch,
but not the world.

It's as if I'm waiting for some poignant phrase
to align me with the stars ...

have you anything for me
if I run up the middle will I find what I need

it's always on the tip of my tongue
could be right
but more often wrong

Exhausting,
waiting
for words to bring me life.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

William Saint George

Mon, 2012-06-18 15:12

William Saint George's picture

First, I liked the way you began the poem. I only wished you has continued through. I know the feeling, when the words feel like they are about to be born, yet they do not make it out of us.

This is a nice poem, and has this deep, personal feel to it, especially because they are a frequent occurrence.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

themoonman

Wed, 2012-06-20 05:14

themoonman's picture
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Thanks for your read of this, I believe what you are saying by
you wished I'd followed through is that the momentum or rhythm
changed, perhaps not for the better ... I've never really been quite
happy with this little write, always liked the first two lines and have
changed it from there a few times. It is a universal theme for writers,
whether they write in the middle of the night or whenever, there are going
to be times when those words just won't come out.

author comment

scribbler

Mon, 2012-06-18 16:18

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Well described feeling on awaiting the right words. Only two things I'd have done differently
1..I'd have put commas before and after awake in line 1 to emphasize the lack of sleep
2..in line 5 I'd change anything to nothing
But just because I'd have done these things differently does not mean this is not fine as is.............stan

themoonman

Wed, 2012-06-20 05:18

themoonman's picture
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Ya know, I purposely left the comma's out of this one,
had em right where you suggest and decided the words
themselves direct the pausing, nothing wrong with being
wrong (lol). In line 5 I like anything better, just sounds better
to me, will add those commas Stan, appreciate your taking a
look Sir.

Richard

author comment

Kailashana2

Tue, 2012-07-31 12:29

As someone (the last person I would have thought) said to me: "Have faith."

Your poem is perfect as it is, someday, however, you may want to flesh it out. Much as I love Scribbler,
there's more to a poem than commas and a word change or two. (Glad he knows it!) Besides nothing
is much better than something sometimes, because it allows you to fill in your own blanks, eh?

Much love,
Anna

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