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A Late Walk(Stan's Workshop)

A LATE WALK by Robert Frost

When I go up through the fallow field
the bewildering aftermath
stricken like the thatch with the heaviness of dew
nearly closes the well worn path

Ans when I traverse to the higher ground
the whir of disturbed birds
emerges from the tangle of overbearing weeds
is more than unspoken words

A tree over by the wall stands mighty
but a leaf that has turned to brown
Disturbed, I doubt not, by my thought
comes tumbling down

I am not far from my going to
by picking the last fading head
of the washed purple aster flower
to carry again to you

* ellipses denote omitted imagery China Blue, this one's for you

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A LATE WALK by Robert Frost

When I go up through the.............field
the...........aftermath
...............like the thatch with the ........dew
........closes the .........path

Ans when I.........to the......ground
the whir of......birds
......from the tangle of.........weeds
is ........than.....words

A tree ....the wall stands........
but a leaf that........brown
Disturbed, I doubt not, by my thought
comes..................down

I ..........not far from my going......
by picking the..............
of the...............aster flower
to carry again to you

* ellipses denote omitted imagery China Blue, this one's for you

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Please note this was an assignment from Stan's workshop!!!!!!
Editing stage: 

Comments

Wow!

I don't know what Stan is going to say. For me you have come through with flying colors and you have done it so easily and so fast....

Hats off..

raj (sublime_ocean)

thank you kindly. It wasn't as easy as it looked plus I wanted to get it done so as not to hold up the progress of the workshop

It was very hard for me to restrain myself from looking up the original poem so I did not see what it was about lol

Frost is not one of my better liked poets sorry to say so I very rarely read his work

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Before giving this a comment, would you please insert Stan's ex. as it is ( with the ellipsis). This would make it easier to compare and know where you've filled. I bet it is a challenging ex., isn't it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Yes I can do that I should have thought to do so on my own
it was a bit of a challege not knowing what the original poem was about

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Thanks for this tip. I will follow your suggestion while posting my completed assignment in stream. So get ready with the scoring card and be as mean as you can in giving marks :) On my way to the post office now knowing not if have lived up to the expectation ....keeping my fingers crossed..lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

I can't believe you've asked for a moderate critism. I read the original version by Frost and studied where you've filled the blanks. I thought the imagery is as rich as Frost's.I thought you've not demeaned the original if not given a richer imagery of your own.
Well done dear. You can sleep in peace tonight. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

aww thank you you are way to kind

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

If its up to ,me, you've just scored a distinction! I agree with Rula. You did well for this assignment

Alid

again my appreciation for the very kind words

although I guess I missed on the rhyming point unlike Rula I did not read the original

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

I have to say I don't know the poem, I think you have done a beautiful job and to be honest I didn't even notice if it rhymed or not until I read someone else's comment, I hope I can do my ex. as well as you have, you excelled.

Love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

wow everyone has such nice things to say I thank you kindly I am sure you will do better than I with your assignment

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

Figured I ought to let you know I've read this. I'm still going to wait on more comment from others before I add my two cents.............stan

If I didn't know better I'd say this was the original poem. Need to check typo in S-2,L-1. There Are a few places where the rhythm skips a beat. The next to last line hints at an earlier shower doesn't it? but enough suspense here's the original poem :
A LATE WALK

When I go up through the mowing field,
the headless aftermath,
smooth laid like thatch with the heavy dew,
half closes the garden path

And when I come to the garden ground,
the whir of sober birds
up from the tangle of withered weeds
is sadder than any words.

A tree beside the wall stands bare,
but a leaf that lingered brown,
disturbed, I doubt not, by my thought,
comes softly rattling down.

I end not far from my going forth
by picking the faded blue
of the last remaining aster flower
to carry again to you

* take note of how the author made the most use of each word. Example. stanza 3, line 4 "rattling" which denotes that the falling leaf didn't drift undisturbed to the ground but, rather, hit many limbs during its fall.........stan

guess I wasn't to far off except for the rhyming( which I hate to do and my work shows lol) I was concentrating more on the images though
eh Stan that typo was already there

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

author comment

me and my cursed typos . How about I fix mine and then you can fix it in your revised poem? I figured by using a rhyming poem it would help in trying to figure out what words were missing at line ends lol................stan

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