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A late night poem:

Submitted by atorn on Fri, 2021-09-17 21:35

She sits in perfect repose
a poem waiting to be composed
words woven with silken thread
fine yet not quite spoken
Constellations bright within her eyes
hinting at the prose she hides
in her gentle, shuttered soul, and why,
I wonder why, has she been left to bide her time
aching for her poem to be written

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Ray Whitaker

Sat, 2021-09-18 19:07

Ray Whitaker's picture

The rhyme scheme works until the end… maybe a bit more work on that there?
I would suggest you drop the second “why”, as the “I wonder” part connotates that. This would make it flow better, IMHO

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atorn

Mon, 2021-09-20 18:40

atorn's picture

I think you are correct, it was afterall a late night poem and I can't even remember why I doubled down on the why

author comment

Owl Has My Soul

Sun, 2021-09-19 09:48

Wow -- I love this poem. Great subject and you capture its elusiveness.

I would slightly alter the ending:

in her gentle, shuttered soul, I wonder why
she has been left to bide her time
aching for herself to be written.

Owl Has My Soul

Sun, 2021-09-19 09:56

I'm thinking I overstepped with my suggestions... If I did, I am sorry. Got a little invested...

atorn

Mon, 2021-09-20 18:39

atorn's picture

not at all, I welcome all suggestions, thanks for reading and commenting

author comment
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