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Last Minute Heaven
To touch space
and shiver against
those fabric-brushed
black fields of
dismembered poppies.
To see eyes sparkle
an epitaph of love,
in shallow-paddled
darkness,
hoping serenity
stays afloat,
just one
more
minute.
Breathless
they touch…
barely,
intensity
blowing sense
into void,
as ends one
minute’s calling
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-04-07 06:25
Jayne
This one seems incomplete, as if you are retreating from the things you see there at your stretchy side view.
I wonder who stands there that you can nearly see, think and it will be clear, the Goddess will be there for you. Then look further just past that light, and there is a world that is a joy to see, Yours Ian.T
PS:- Loved the write x
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Sun, 2013-04-07 06:29
Ian
There i another poem that goes with this one I will post it tomorrow night you may remember it ? Last minute Heaven ... here it is
To touch space
and shiver against
those fabric-brushed
black fields of
dismembered poppies.
To see eyes sparkle
an epitaph of love,
in shallow-paddled
darkness,
hoping serenity
stays afloat,
just one
more
minute.
Breathless
they touch…
barely,
intensity
blowing sense
into void,
as ends one
minute’s calling
see what you think
love always Jayne-Chloe
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-04-07 06:36
Jayne
Yes I remember this I think and each one holds a beauty of it's own, but combined with your care, they would shine a beauty of thought out to all that reads, Yours Ian.Tx
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Sun, 2013-04-07 06:43
I am so glad you remembered it
its from a very long time ago but I thought it was time to drag them out of the closet and reshape them all over again I have done nothing but edit poetry and write a few new pieces in between the last few days
thanks for the read and the comment its always very much appreciated
love always Jayne-Chloe
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
loved
Mon, 2013-04-08 13:33
this is poetry when will I ever learn it?
To touch space
and shiver against
those fabric-brushed
black fields
loved
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-10 06:13
I love those words as well I
I love those words as well I'm very happy you liked this one :)
love JC x
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Geezer
Sun, 2013-04-07 07:49
My memory is...
not good, but having read it again, I do remember the sense of it. In light of a recent conversation, I wonder; Is your t.v. to your left? Sometimes the most mundane of things can be exotic and cryptic, when approached with a bit of imagination. I am content with the image the second part left me. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee
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Seren
Wed, 2013-04-10 06:19
Dear Gee
My TV is at the end of the bed, and yes the imagination is a powerful thing
thanks for the read and the comment, btw have you posted the dragon poem ? what is it called ?
love and higgliest bugs JC xx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Geezer
Wed, 2013-04-10 21:38
Didn't remember...
that I didn't post it! LOL I will go do that now. It is called Yang and Yin.
Just was wondering what could be off to your left, in your peripheral vision. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee
Challenges Titles have to be written like this:
Whatever topic you choose, then you may add your personal title.
Go to the dropdown and enter it into the Challenges # ?
Otherwise, you will not be eligible for a certificate!
Seren
Thu, 2013-04-11 05:47
Gee
hmmmm off to my left ? a sideboard full of books lol dont know what that means though ? I will find your poem and read it tonight :)
love and higgliest bugs JC xx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
loved
Mon, 2013-04-08 13:30
SOME TIMES i WONDER
why I am so ignorant
of how to evaluate poetry
as lovely as this..
loved
weirdelf
Tue, 2013-04-09 08:01
I am going to use a word that is dirty to both you and me, Loved
Discipline.
Not talking about bondage and leather, talking about knuckling down and learning. You don't even try.
Join a workshop. Learn some craft in your art.
Then you will write good poetry maybe one in ten instead of one in one thousand. Your machine gun effect is not working for you or your readers.
Stop whining and pleading for readers. Learn your craft and get better.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-10 06:23
I am still learning how to
I am still learning how to give good critique I expect it will take me most of my life, not knowing how old you are I cant fully answer your question smile
love JC x
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
weirdelf
Tue, 2013-04-09 08:03
Gorgeous work
my dear Jayne Chloe
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Seren
Wed, 2013-04-10 06:22
Thanks Jess
Thanks Jess
I'm very happy you liked it
cheers JC x
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)