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last goodbye

If I could lay down and die,
I would surely try,
preserve me in pickle, until I cry.
Think about how you want to remember me,
as you lay me to the ground,
six foot under I won't make any sound.

Then, I would surely be gone,
but will you play my favorite song?.
The words "I love you".you know the one.
Think how you will of me,
loving, caring, shy,
this my love is my last goodbye.

If I could reincarnate for you.
what would I say or do?.
The haunting of your dreams to name a few.
Please though, speak of me well.
keep my secrets, they are not to tell,
i can see what you're doing, even in hell.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

thank you again teddy. am I destined for fame yet lol

author comment

with Teddy on this one, it is the attitude of someone who says; "When I'm gone you will miss me." I kind of get the 3d line. I think that it is supposed to reference the art of embalming for the funeral? Not a great thought or way to express it, but it got the job done. Barely... ~ Geezer.
.

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thank you geezer as always good constructive words.thank you

author comment

DANG!!!

This blew me away and sent shivers up and down my spine!! I agree with the others that the third line seemed out of place with the rest, but that last line was spectacular.

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https://meanderingbackward.blogspot.com
"The true alchemists do not turn lead into gold; they turn the world into words." -William H. Gass

aww thank you these comments blow me away.thank you

author comment
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