Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

THE LAST DAY OF APRIL, APRIL…

THE LAST DAY OF APRIL, APRIL…

…And it was on the last day,
It was on the last day of April when you said you’d have to leave-
When I could find no way-
No reason to make you stay, least of all me,
That, on a grassy patch,
'Neath a starry April sky,
In unfamiliar territory, I
Did attempt a desperate, hopelessly botched explanation…

And there I stood,
Judge, Jury and Accused:
Unanimous in the verdict
Guilty as hell !
Guilty as hell,
Betrayed by my own eyes,
A traitor in my own sight…
And there stood I:
Understood, aye,
But sentenced to
The unspeakable purgatory of infatuation unreturned…

Lonely are the brave, they say,
Well, I must be some kind of fuckin’ hero!
It is the last day
Of April, April, I know:
Tomorrow, you are gone,
And the summer will be long,
And will stretch out barren and interminably lonely…

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=8468092

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This one was written as a blues song. If you'd like to hear the sung version, please click on the link just below the body of the lyric above
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'll come back to this, but on first reading the only change I'd make is delete "fuckin'" as I don't think it helps this write..................scribbler ( the word not the action lol )

Thank you for stopping by and reading and commenting.

I am not given to the use of expletives in my work: of the 80 odd songs i have written till date, probably only two carry any expletives, as far as I can remember.

That said, in the context of this specific song, the mood of the lyric and the genre of the music, it didn't feel out of place or forced to me when I wrote it.

(And it fits the meter so wonderfully!! LOL! )

Perhaps, as a poem, it reads differently from the way it is intended to be heard when sung.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment. I do appreciate it.

Psyve

author comment

But I laughed when I read that line - the "f" word gave it more emphasis, and the reasoning made it comical!

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, tho' I'm wondering whether I should be concerned that the use of "F******" is the only thing about this song that folks seem to have a comment or point of view on.

:-)

Psyve

author comment

The only reason I even mentioned that word being in the poem is the first reviewer was poo poo'ing the use of the word. For me, when I read it - it added an element to the poem for me. (The frustration comes through in the comment the writer makes, but at the same time the logic was comical.) I just thought it would lose something if you were to change it. I feel some people get too hung up on the idea of a curse word being used in poem.

You know, there was a study that was done and it was found that people who curse have lower levels of stress. :-D

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Thank you. Glad you liked the sung version.

I suppose the lyric for a Blues song does read a tad oddly, pariticularly if one is expecting to read poetry.

Psyve

author comment

A fuckin' everyday hero you aren't. ;-)

Perhaps a working class hero? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOlfqSHF0oM

Your music is hypnotic. Barry and I enjoy it immensely.

~A

A workin Class Hero is somethin to be...
A workin Class Hero is somethin to be...

Pleased Barry and you enjoyed this song.

Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment.

Psyve

author comment

I simply adore blues. All your music seems to have a bit of it, one way or another. I kinda like that.

~A

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.