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Lapine Revelations

i. In the days which preceedeth the Great Carrot War, when all the rabbits of God's earth were still trying, with great reluctance, to live together in mutual lapine love, there lived a tribe of big, fat, selfish, greedy rabbits.

ii. And they were known as the yank-rabbits and they lived the Great Rabbit Dream. And it was shallow forsooth.

iii. And while so much of the rabbit world starved without even a daily silflay of meagre grass, and the poor black rabbits of Ah-Freak-Ah suffered from rampant myxomatosis due to no fault of their own creation except an excess of hormones and misfortune, but who careth as they had no lettuce reserves of their own anyway, the yank-rabbits ate as much as they could.

iv. And there were also other greedy tribes of rabbits, but none was as greedy as the yank-rabbits. Nor as fat and happy and wealthy in their own esteem but not in that of the Great-Celestial-Pink-Fluffy-God-Rabbit, may his name be evermore blest.

v. And it seemed the Great-Celestial-Pink-Fluffy-God-Rabbit in the sky smiled upon them, but yea, verily, he was beginning to get a bit fed up with them.

vi. And he warned them many times and sent them great warnings; floods and typhoons, icebergs and earthquakes, plagues and disease of all types, but they heeded him not and had carrots for breakfast, carrots for lunch, carrots for tea, carrots for dinner and carrots all the time. And lots of lettuce and dandelions for in-between mealtime snacks. And they grew fatter than fat pigs.

vii. And, even though the great tribe of the yank-rabbits was indeed a wealthy tribe, they held within them the seeds of their own destruction but they verily did not know it.

viii. And thus they did eat more and more and consume more and more and they did get veritably morbidly obese and bloated in their own pride and greed. And the good Lord Great-Celestial-Pink-Fluffy-God-Rabbit watched and waited, keeping his counsel unto himself even though he was becomig more and more stroppy.

ix. And it came to pass that the yank-rabbit tribe ate so many carrots and dandelions and daisies and other good things, and even other animals' shares whenever they got half a chance, that the rabbit world's climate, lettuce fields and carrot fields became bare and barren as in a desert.

x. And the world changed and the summers became hotter and the winters became colder and to solve this, the yank-rabbits knew there was only one solution. So they turned up their rabbitty air-conditioning even higher and they burnt up all the roots of next season's lettuces and carrots to keep the incinerators going to keep them cool in summer and warm and cuddly and happy, contented bunnies in the ever-colder winters.

xi. And so, one sad day, there was not enough lettuce left in the rabbit world and there were too many rabbits as the poor yellow and brown and black rabbits had been so poor and unhappy all they had to do was cuddle each other which led to begetting more and more yellow and brown and black little baby rabbits being born but with not much to eat. And verily many of them kicked he bucket before their allotted three years.

xii. But the ones who lived hated the greedy fat yank-rabbits for what they had done and they knew they would prevail in the end because their own fierce Big Black Bearded Allah-Rabbit told them from the depths of eternal hell it would be so.

xiii. And so the rest of the rabbit world's rabbits said to the yank-rabbits: 'Verily, we have had it up to our necks with you lot. Verily we are taking no more of your shit. You can cop this.'

xiv. And they sent missiles and bombs into the yank-rabbits' burrows, even their very deep and wealthy ones. And they declared a War Of Sacred Terror upon the yank-rabbits and it was thus.

xv. And the foxes and the weasels and the stoats licked their lips, ready for the feast on the bodies of the dead.

xvi. And, no matter how much the yank-rabbits fought, sending their smartly uniformed young adolescent fighting rabbits out to battle in the Great Carrot Wars, no matter how many of their young rabbits (both male and female for the yank-rabbits did not differentiate in their need for cannon-fodder) came home in boxes, they were doomed to be vanquished.

xvii. For the Great-Celestial-Pink-Fluffy-God-Rabbit in the sky had given up on his chosen rabbits and had decided it was the turn of the poor hitherto dispossessed bunnies of the world, brown, yellow and other colours too, to bask in the sun.

xviii. And it turned out that the Great-Celestial-Pink-Fluffy-God-Rabbit and the Big Black Bearded Ah-Freak-Ah Muslim Bunny were one and the same Holy Bunny anyway.

xix. And the Great Holy Bunny who was the Holy One thundered as out of a great cloud, 'Right you lot, you've had your chance, but you buggered it up with your greed, so now go and watch your own doom on Fox News.'

xx. And there was much wailing and gnashing of well-kept whitened polished shiny buck teeth in the land of the yank-rabbits. But it was to no avail whatsoever. And thus it shall come to pass. Amen.

Style / type: 
Free verse
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Last few words: 
This is (obviously) a parody of biblical verses. Happy New Year to one and all! .
Editing stage: 


that the great bunny in the sky is not infallible after all. ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

when its style and intent became clear. I guess that's why fables are so important.

I was going to suggest that it could be more King James version all thees and thous etc.

And I was going to suggest that maybe the Great Holy Bunny give them One Last Chance.

And I was going to suggest that a plucky non-band of bunnies re-invented Anarcho-homicidalism and eradicated the Bloated Orange Rabbit and all his lackeys saving the yankrabbits for yay verily they weren't all bad.

But I was playing the odds and squirming away from what is rapidly playing towards a certainty.

Bummer, eh?

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

Your point about making it more 'KJV' is a good one. I thought I had got a slight KJV style in it but I will try and increase that. Check back tomorrow!


Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

lost no babies in bathwater there.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

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