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The Land of the Free Shooters, Home of the Killers

Old Abraham Lincoln one fine sunny day
Stopped a bullet whilst watching a play
And all the people just wanted to know
How much his poor wife had enjoyed the show.

J F Kennedy with his insatiable fat phallus
Went for a drive one day in the city of Dallas;
But then Mr Oswald picked up a gun
And shot him stone dead for a nice bit of fun.

M L King climbed up onto his rostrum
To deliver a well-meaning tedious nostrum;
He told his brothers that he'd had a dream,
But a well-aimed bullet put paid to that scheme.

Murders and mayhem, what's in a name?
The victims are many, that's the name of the game;
The right to bear arms, so dear to some folk,
Is really no more than a sick, sick, sick joke

Bang! Bang! Bang! go the guns and the rifles;
School killings, street gunfights, American trifles
Send thousands each year to a premature rest;
Just remember the gun lobby really knows best.

This year's brought a new threat to us all
Slaying a general was such a dumb call;
Trump's violence lacks reason or cause
The numbskull's bent on a new wave of wars.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
EDNA'S INSPIRATION FOR THIS POEM:- The demented US president is putting thousands of lives at risk by ordering the cowardly drone murder of an Iranian national hero and a senior Iraqi soldier, plus their unfortunate entourage; Trump's understanding of politics is on a level with the cognitive powers of the average potato. Sickeningly he appears willing to do anything to try and distract attention from his impeachment and his repeated abuse of power. Roll on November 2020 when hopefully sanity will return to the USA's electorate.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

driving skills exhibited by illegal aliens than by all firearms deaths combined. And far more lives are Saved by legal arms bearers then are taken by criminals. Just the other day in Texas a church member shot and killed a whacko inside the church who opened fire on the congregation for no apparent reason. So peddle your stupid ideas to somebody else. Now on to the poem minus its message. You were doing fine with the rhyme right up to the last stanza. Perhaps you broke rhyme in order to enhance the message? If not then a bit more thought could be given to come up wit a word or line which maintained the rhyme in the rest of the poem........stan

To say more people are killed in driving accidents in the USA than are killed by guns seems to me to be utterly stupid and totally irrelevant. And to compound this error by suggesting these accidents are caused by illegal immigrants is beyond belief. And even if such a crazily Trumpian claim were based in fact (which it's not) of what relevance would it be to the point of the poem that the USA is in love with violence and murder? I suppose it is quite likely that Americans generally are bad drivers - after all, some silly American cow drove on the wrong side of the road in England last year and killed an innocent English motor-cyclist. She then fled the country, pleading diplomatic immunity - diplomatic immunity for a spy's wife who kills young men? Fuck me, the special relationship looks like shit to me.

Let's see: I understand c.30,000 people are shot each year in the USA. Are you seriously suggesting that over 30,000 people are killed on American roads by illegal immigrants? Are you seriously suggesting that members of church congregations save 30,000 lives p.a. by shooting people? Fuck me, am I living in a mad world?

And your last point, that I "broke rhyme" in the final stanza...
"The New Year's brought a new threat to us all
Slaying a general was such a dumb call;
Trump's violence lacks reason or cause
The fat sod's bent on a new wave of wars."

As far as I can see 'all' rhymes with 'call' and 'cause' rhymes with 'wars'. If you meant metre rather than rhyme I might well plead guilty, but kindly suggest an improvement.. Is your comment here what passes for "critique"???

Best wishes for a prosperous New Year without too many more political murders,

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Cause rhymes with war..........poor ol' thing

I am sorry your hero was killed.....NOT!

What a STUPID comment.

I am sickened you REVEL in murder. But then, that seems to be a grand ol' 'mercan tradition, from Wilkes onwards via Capone to Truman & Trump.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

break rhyme with the cause [kaws] vs wars [warrrrrrs]. I don't care if the "Queen's English" has such a terrible accent, it doesn't fly here. ~ Geezer.
.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

"Cause" rhymes with "wars", Full stop. If you think otherwise, you're dim. What sort of peasant accent do you speak with?

Happy New Year and stop with this crap. What sort of "critique" does whining like that got to do with anything?
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

full stop!

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

As a matter of interest, if in your opinion "cause" and "wars" don't rhyme, I would love to know how YOU pronounce these words. I pronounce "wars" as WORZ and "cause" as CORZ. Similarly "laws", "pours", "soars" and "whores" (that's 5 different spellings to yield "...ORZ").

If you had pointed out the dodgy rhyming of "phallus" and "Dallas", then I would have had to put my hands up, though.

Best wishes and no hard feelings at all, at all.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

so I guess one can claim rhyme by mispronouncing things if they want.........poor ol' thing

Is that what this site has come to?
ad hominem cheap pot shots!

Pack it in lads.

Sadly, it seems to be the case. However I have no intention of getting into an insult-swapping contest. Since I feel my intellect is superior to someone who calls someone else a moron because they disagree with them, I shall not stoop to conquer.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

How fucking witty. I have no intention of descending to the level you wish this chat to go to.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

That's quite a good reply.
I suggest we stop being rude to each other.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

This comment should be beneath you.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

... "And I pronounce...This comment should be beneath you" on the page makes it unclear to whom it is addressed. I'd be grateful if you could amend it to show the name of the person to whom you're speaking!
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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