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L'amour grandit avec nous

When I was a baby I fell in love with life.
The bright colours and sounds,
Lit up my gummy smile:
a new experience every day.

A couple of years later I fell in love with family.
This was the age I knew stranger from parent.
I favoured the ones who held me close;
Who woke up at 4 to feed me, kiss me, hold me.

Then I grew and fell in love with words.
I spoke volumes of nonsense
but I loved the feel of syllables on my tongue
and cherished the proud expressions.

I heard Mum sing and I fell in love with music.
Notes from a crackling radio echoed,
a scratched cd jumped from words to chords.
My young voice was no contest to artists.

I was given a camera and I fell in love with pictures.
the ones that flashed between static on our TV,
the ones that hung on our wall.
Do we ever learn to appreciate art?

Dad showed me Orion then I fell in love with the stars.
My small eyes strained to see,
the orbs my grubby hands attempted to grab.
I loved their subtle distance.

When I was old enough for school I fell in love with friends.
Most my class fell in that bracket,
but I loved that they were mine;
And that they loved me too.

At my age ,I’ve learned what love is
and not to use it so loosely
It’s supposed to be important;
treasured.

Some people believe that love can be overused
to the point it will mean nothing
but what’s the point of it meaning anything
If you have to value what you love.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Not one of my best but I felt confident enough to put it on here :)
Editing stage: 

Comments

Loved this write nearly 16 stanzas long but I guess that the years betwixt 7 and 16 where a dream of learning and seeking truths.
Not sure but think the use of ages such as 1-7 and 16 could be bridged with words to show that time has passed from one year to the next without a number.
I shall see what the others say, I am so glad that you are back and there is no hurry to write volumes, just stay near and write as the mood flows.
Please read some of the others works and leave some comments, I know that you may feel too young to do so but your view would bring a freshness to some of the writers and in doing so you will learn lots..
Take care little one and know we walk with you and watch over you,
Yours as always, Bampy xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thank you x
I've changed the numbers to words but I was initially unsure of how to sure the passage of time without them and that's why they were in the first draft :)
I will try and comment on others work but at the moment I'm stacked with revision!
Love you too!

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment

with the Sparrow, I like the theme, your word usage is good and could be better, if you thought of ways to tie the stanzas together without using the numbers thing. I didn't realize that you were only sixteen, until you said so. I only saw someone who could articulate their thoughts and feelings in a very mature way. Nice to see that there are young poets that are coming up. Nice job. ~ Geezer.
.

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Thank you :) I've tried an alternate way to start the stanzas without the numbers; let me know what you think! Usually i'm mistaken for being younger so thank you :) I'm sorry this reply is so late, I haven't had time recently!

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment

I agree with your advice and have tried to fit it in, I didn't want to copy your stanza because it would have felt like cheating in a sense :) but i've changed the last stanza anyways!
Sorry for the late reply I've been rather busy!

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment

I really enjoyed the stories you told in this poem, especially the cute and endearing imagery of childhood, like the "gummy smile" and "grubby hands".

I think the fellows have given you some great feedback to consider, but if I could make a small suggestion, you might consider a new title. Love is quite generic for a title, and I don't think it does this poem justice. I'm not sure what you might change it to, but that's a thought for you to consider.

Interesting question at the end! I'm not sure if anyone really will ever have an answer!
Kelsey

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www.lettereddandy.xyz

Thanks for commenting :) I'm find the titles the hardest usually and do end up with rather generic ones! I've changed it to L'amour grandit avec nous - love grows with us in French (if my French good enough) I thought it was fitting as the 'language of love'
Sorry for the late reply!

Not all those who wander are lost - JR Tolkien

- Tyjana :)

author comment

I love it! Beautiful and meaningful!

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

Your corrections are great and now the poetry runs, the title can be in English I wont mind, "smiling"
A growing Love, or something along those lines, I think that Swamp witch (Kelsey) would be a great mentor for you, with her you will learn much and I think that she knows a few languages.
Take care our little Hobbit and know we hear you,
Yours Bampy, xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

a women helping two older men unloading a deck
she smiled at the dog and spoke to it
and I answered back
Hello..though the dog smiled
she said in my earshot
Some people are afraid of hippies...
and its true
the long hair..on me...the goatee and mustache
sideburns like some civil war survivor of amerikana
a forgotten magician of atlantic city
the free love? no...the loose ties..no
the true hippies went on to become economists
and imperial traders
it was the free ideas
question authority
stand up for passion

I love the word use
and joy da vie
photos my bae frames
made me paint a tree on
the living room wall and
puts up family photos
there....everyone sees
these things on the net
but few work to make it
a reality...people scribble
poems...cut and paste
but few brave it out to sit
write and post

what are treasures then
things to be treasured
made or found...created
or rescued by might
and adored and cherished

made me smile to hear your
father showed u the stars
i did the same with my daughter
now mid twenties
we still love the moon
storms..train station
bridges and eccentric peoples

if i had it my way i would have short
hair and brighter clothing
trendy baseball hat instead of black
shirts..fashion torn jean..chain and ring
bling the long hair and ray ban style
shades...a mongrel stray
then a rare breed shar pei
but thats what my bae treasures
original

original poets
are rare
great work PH
and great critique
and use of it
here
a true team player

thank U

W

My little Grand daughter, who really is a wonderful small person just lacks the square feet and all that hair on them lol.
I feel we need a better way of bringing in the young ones, last time I saw little hobbit she was only 15 but now with straight A's in her school work has a great future, just want the poetry side at Neopoet to become aware of these young ones with this much talent and they are our future.
Thanks for your great comment, I have to look out some more goodies for your side of the pond, I will do so ASAP,
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

my doggy is dead Ian sickness come on fast
then death
was on phone to beautiful woman vet when she
passed...she was crying
my woman crying
i was crying..vet lady crying.
im still crying
took my Buppi for cremation today
paid for services
right by min putt with the big animals\
Gerri giraffe...looked over fence
as buddy backed up van with my
doggies bodie in pink blankiee
put her on floor inside..unwrapped
her....broke down..crying..kissed
her black snouth goodbye like
i always did for months
I love you Buppi.
in a week ashes will pick up
nice front staff..my bikeresque chum
with me.....Dr Nicole with us when
my lil trail bud breathed her last
....
tonight i went out and picked garbage
up along our trail walk streets
neighbors talking...they lost pets too
everyone has..
but its hard....
keep looking behind me to see her
curled in her chair....if weather was
good..........by twelve or eleven thirty
we would go on night patrol.sniffs..
tour........no more...no more....no
more...

almost lost Bunni....almost lost Ataya
Bunnis youngest now twenty three
to addisons..they tried killing me of
overdose at hospital..i came in rather
angry..i dont blame them for having
enough...i changed..i dont go in there
now..they got better things to do...

kissed Buppers on nose on floor of
backroom
through tears...

good weather...all went well.
we would have been out on patrol
tonight....
but life is what is is..
short...
i dont blame god nor people
both are what they are..
im just happy i got friends out
there...out here..

thank U Ian...
MR sad sad wolf..

I sent a PM to you, but also here is a piece I wrote for a friends pet Noah:-
To Always Be with Us

Little fellow with a heart of gold
You gave to us a thousand fold
Unconditional love was there from you
It helped us the days to walk through

Now your journey of life done
You still are there in fun
In joy and love as before
You have just opened another door

One day as the time goes by
We will meet again you and I
 Where love is everything to share
Little Noah we will see you there..
We should Honour so many things in verse and the unconditional love that our pets give us should always be remembered.
Take care Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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