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A Lament for a Departed Friend

Parting is such dulcet sorrow;
My lonely heart weeps at eternal separation;
Now you are gone from me
The world is cold and empty
And a veil covers my bitter tears.

To lose my lover, my friend,
My partner through life's sad
Yet pointless journey...
My very soul is rent asunder and
Cast shattered on the wind.

But let me cease my whingeing!
Upon due reflection this is but
The stuff of which cheap sentiment is composéd.
As far as I'm concerned you can piss off
And no regrets, you silly old sod.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


Sounds like they sobered up! Your title was a little shy of drawing power, [if I didn't want to see the newest twisted tale from you, I might have just passed on by]. Language use was good... sweet, but not syrup-sickening so. The theme was ahhhh-
so-so beginning with a nice twist in the end. ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I am well-known for my twisted endings.

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

I had tears of sorrow (I mean laughter) in my eyes, then, at the very end of your poem, I was tempted to look for my pistol and double-load it to make certain one blast would be enough to end the grief I felt at reading your lament. A fine lament, one that touches me more than the grief Orpheus must have felt at the passing of his Euridice. But, I know you are strong; this too will pass. Jerry

..of my tragic piece. Orpheus recovered - he never looked back again.

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Title could be better though (say 'A heartfelt lament')
Language is good and compensates for weak(ish) title.
Theme is a common one, I think, love's bitter/sweet song.
Beginning is good with a clear statement of sweet sounding sorrow.
Ending is also good, I love a happy ending.

You could easily have dropped line 3 and created a sonnet with volta at penultimate line (just a thought)

A truly sentimental lament upon the loss of your pet dog Edna.

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
....................................... always a big bonus.

You're probably right - the title can be beefed up a bit ("A Lament" is perhaps sufficiently specific. See what you think of the new one.

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

LOL. Its become a matter of when, not if, Edna will reveal her wrinkle!


...wrinkle well concealed..

Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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