Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Lady in Waiting

With my every aching moment
and with every breath I take,

I can even feel her near me
which I believe is not a mistake !

Because I know in my heart of hearts
she's out there looking for me, too!

The problem we seem to be having is
certainly nothing that's considered, new;

Down every hallway, history has completed
the answers will be lieing somwhere out there;

sometimes the shadows will end-up camoflauging things,
so the playing fields may appear to be unfair

It might end up being quite obvious,
or things could end up ending quite wrong;

like when sort of like having a tempo
that doesn't fit anywhere in the song.

Oh, I know for a fact I've been close
for I've nearly gotten everything, right.

I mustn't let regrets rule my actions
I might miss her while walking, some night.

Myself, I can't think of one person
that deserves but to live all alone,

maybe a few that think they are playes
also possessing certain "thug" undertones!

I've actually triied doing my very best
to be good, even secretly

which on occasion has come back to haunt
this gullible version of me !

I'd even like one-sided encounters
where our "moments" play out in only my head;

for then, I'd be allowed to apologise
for being somewhere else, instead.

There's one thing I'm very sure of
I've loved her for all of this time,

I must keep actively searching for her
to cease would be some kind of crime !

I seriously owe this to both of us
for together, we may greatly raise the bar;

she'll just have to be understanding
because I don't posess a car !

Confrontations have caused my face to get slapped,
making me feel like a bafoon !

That's when they're playing "hard to get"
and you can bet, I know the sound of that tune !

If it weren't for fates dull distractions
I'd probably have on my sad frown,

but, there's plenty of hope left inside me
if we do meet, she'd best stick around;

time being, I'll try my level best
not to act like some nit-wit pup,!

Then, I'll wear my best disposition
because, first impressions are really what's up !

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Its been a while hope your well, loved the poem it has a great beat, only one line I had any trouble with

because I do not own any car !

because I do not own a car !

it maybe just me if it doesnt work for you ignore me

nice to see you here

sincerely JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

...fortunate accident been? (my definition). I DID re-edit the piece, I hope to your liking. Thanx for the great feedback.
I'll be seeing ya 'round the site, hopefully!
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Loved the write,
Hope you meet that person one day and realise when you have met.
You put Play field in one line maybe Playing field will be better not sure as Jayne say's it may have been a positive thing to do???
Have a great day, Yours Ian.T
.
Just added the two lines I was having trouble with:-
.
sometimes, shadows camouflage things,
so the playing fields appear slightly unfair.

Hope these two are OK ??

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...it?s quite a bit, MORE than just "all right"! Thanx once again for allowing me access to your keen insights.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

Your writing has been consistent since we have known you, and been reading your works.
Keep on writing, and sit with us a while in the peace of writing, lovely to have you on board, and I is just Ian,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...that from you, sir ian. Really. You know, I began writing kind of "late" in life; but I sure would like to publish my own book instead of being included in one of those compilations. (I've been published exactly 26 times....most recently in last years' International Who's Who of Poetry.) Only one of those compilations had a Library of Congress number, so I really didn't even create very much of a ripple.
I sincerely appreciate your wisdom, candor, insights, and wit that's always present in your responses PLUS; I thank you for always reading, as well. You ARE the man, Ian.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.