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La Bohème.

Your tiny hand is frozen
Let me warm it up for you
I'll kiss your fingers
And by good fortune
The moon is out tonight
So let me put your hand in my pants
And I'll get you as hot as holy fuck.

Dearest signorina
Let me tell you who I am
I'm Rodolfo, a poet,
Although no one would know it.
What do I do? I write poems,
Are you stupid or something?
Having TB is no excuse.

In my grinding poverty
I write a load of drivel
Which will get me nowhere
But I dream of being
A porn star one day
Or maybe I'm just dreaming,
Anyway I am well hung.

In the meantime
Let's forget our poverty
And the rain pissing down outside
And indulge in some
Random indiscrimate sex
Before the aria ends;
We have so little time
Before the fat lady sings
And rings our curtain down.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

will out. No man [or woman] is a fking island, We all dance to the drums of a stormy thunder,
no matter our fullness of life or poverty. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

...you may have missed the joke here!
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

I didn't understand that it was referring to an opera! I see now, that you have a great interest and understanding of the genera
along with our friend Jerry. Bon appetite!
~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Did you read this one out loud? The first stanza just doesn't work at all, at least for me.
The rhythm just is not there. I'm fairly good a rhythm too.
I thought it kinda cute or funny even had a chuckle at the words, but mam it just did not flow smoothly.
I will check in on it again later and hopefully you can make it sing.
I do like how you end it with a sort of - Let's get it on, before the end of the world.
Independence Day was a favorite of mine for the longest time.
Later,

~Mark~
To comment is necessary.
To acknowledge a comment is a compliment.

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..it's not meant to be a "serious" poem. It's a piss-take of one of the most famous Italian operatic arias of all time.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

I read it once and it seemed the rhythm bad till I read it again slowly and it was fine.
Carry on...

~Mark~
To comment is necessary.
To acknowledge a comment is a compliment.

Live Chat is open 24/7,
come in, mix and mingle often!

A great performance, with inaccurate surtitles and an ignorant audience who cheer before the end, but fabulously sung:- ignore the 6+ seconds of dreary ads beforehand!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkHGUaB1Bs8
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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