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L o s s [September Contest]
Loss?
rid it soon
don't rue
travel light
life is good
add value to the cart
shun worldliness
loss is a notion
like grief
even that eases
into impermanence
over time
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
lovedly
Sun, 2018-09-02 22:18
what of loss
Come September raj
u must gain
first entry always
takes the lead
and of your poetry 'tis enchanting read
loss no only gain
'tis like Paradise Regained
My heartiest best for the contest
raj
Mon, 2018-09-03 05:45
Thanks Lovedly
for the read and wishes,,,,
..................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Mon, 2018-09-03 08:50
Yes,
A great way to defeat loss as a notion, Can't say it better dear raj! Many great lines through out!
You don't need much luck, so I'll wish you the best for September contest.
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raj
Mon, 2018-09-03 14:20
Thanks Rula
for reading ,,,your comment and wishes..
....................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Tue, 2018-09-04 10:19
I like
the word shun, but I liked the stanza with "add value to the cart" better.
I also keep coming to the first stanza. There is something I don't like about it, but couldn't figure it yet. Are you using rid and rue as verbs or nouns? I'm a bit confound.
But don't change a thing before you see what others have to say.
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raj
Wed, 2018-09-05 05:37
Thanks Rula
for re visiting this write...comments and critique are always welcome since they make one re think and make alterations as deemed fit...let me know once you figure out what you did not like about the 1st Stanza...
..................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Wed, 2018-09-05 08:35
Never mind
I haven't used rue and rid before, so It's just me unle to get the structure and the meaning of the stanza. I'm not even sure if adding punctuation would make any difference.
I see I'm the only one here to have a problem in grasping it's meaning.
So please feel free to ignore me.
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raj
Wed, 2018-09-05 13:53
well there could be others
well there could be others Rula who have not read it as yet...so i will re think on the fiorst stanza and see if there is a way to bring more clarity to it without affecting the substance..i have now added a word in L2....does it make more sense now?
....................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentRula
Thu, 2018-09-06 02:59
Much better raj
using don't instead of not makes the difference.
Now it's as clear as the "spring's eye" :)
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raj
Thu, 2018-09-06 05:27
good to know Rula that you
good to know Rula that you find it better...liked what you said "as clear as Springs Eye"
not sure if this meets the contest requirement though which specifies "rediscovering something lost"....yet I will stick with this hoping that the judge will know what is rediscovered which is in the subtext...)
...........................................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Tue, 2018-09-04 22:51
Fantastic write. I love it.
Fantastic write. I love it. No comments. Respect.
IRiz
raj
Wed, 2018-09-05 05:39
Dear friend IRiz
appreciate your taking time to visit this page ....thank you for your appreciative words...they are like tonic...
............................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Wed, 2018-09-05 07:58
The pleasure is mine.
The pleasure is mine.
IRiz
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-09-05 23:27
a nice poetic reminder that
a nice poetic reminder that loss is only temporary. especially because it seems so powerful when it is felt. love the rhythm of this.
raj
Thu, 2018-09-06 05:23
appreciate your visit Greg
appreciate your visit Greg
good to know you liked it and its rhythm
.....................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author comment