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A Kyrielle (April Contest)

When queried as to where I live,
I ponder not and always give
an answer I’ve prepared to say ~
that “Heaven’s not so far away.”

May God have mercy on us all,
for we’ve been haunted since The Fall,
but I am grateful every day
our Heaven’s not so far away.

My home, my life is paradise.
I live in grace and pay no price,
for with my wife as we turn grey
my Heaven’s not so far away.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I love this one.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

I like the minor changes in the refrain. I hope such is allowed in this form. But it's good poetry in any case. Best of luck in contest......stan

as you haven't used the same rhyme scheme for each verse either.....

.... and yes Stan - as far as I understand, the refrain can be altered at each use ... and doesn't even have to be eight syllables....

Love the write Wes
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

This is another old write that didn't understand the form. I'm thinkin' this disqualifies me like the last time. A subtle cheat where cheating is not allowed.
As for the refrain... it must resemble itself, but it could be a single syllable.
This form makes me nuts. There's nothing like a machine that must be perfect in one place, but who cares about the rest.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

I absolutely love this poem - everything about it! :) Good luck in the contest!

Love to you

Mand xxxx

Good one.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

The theme is fine, but as most will say didn't come up to the contest criteria.
I think that young Wesley should have had more thought when selecting this one,
Take care young Horse Whisperer,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

written at a time when I didn't understand clearly.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

what's wrong with the rhyme scheme. I see it meets the contest's syllabus
aabB, ccbB, ddbB
doesn't it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I used different schemes. Read it again.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I love this. I see it qualifies for April's contest no matter what you say. I really like it sir!

BTW, all the examples I read in the net follow your same rhyme scheme and those I read here under April's contest.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Sound good to me.

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does not have to rely completely on form. Were I to judge I'd only do so if I liked 2 poems equally and only one had perfect form...........thank goodness I'm not this month's judge lol....stan

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