Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Kiss Me, Hardy

Submitted by Edna Sweetlove on Thu, 2020-01-16 10:58

Horatio lay on the deck,
His body was a total wreck;
A musket shot had laid him low;
He was good and ready, set to go.
But Hardy was just passing by
And he caught the Admiral's eye
"Oy Hardy! Howza bout a snog?"
Shouted that randy old sea dog.
And when Hardy stooped to check
At Nelson lying on the deck,
The admiral groped Hardy's cute left bun
And then slipped him his lordly tongue.
Thus was Trafalgar won that day
With a kiss O so very gay.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A bit of gay history not many know about.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2020-01-17 17:16

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

of Gay history, that I didn't know! I thought your little ditty was quite amusing and wish that it had been a bit more smooth.
The fourth line was not very well conceived and I wish that you had paid more attention to the rhythm. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Fri, 2020-01-17 17:19

Edna Sweetlove's picture

...about line 4, but it was even worse a couple of days ago. I'll have a quick look at it, so check back later!
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Edna Sweetlove

Sun, 2020-05-24 20:01

Edna Sweetlove's picture

The problem with horses is they are a bit too big to be satisfactory sexual partners (except from the viewpoint of other horses, of course).
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Edna Sweetlove

Mon, 2020-01-20 19:19

Edna Sweetlove's picture

...no misunderstanding!

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.