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Kindergarten

Submitted by William Saint George on Wed, 2013-11-20 08:01

Must children born
in the dark of night
wake up to see the morning?

Why should they live
persistent in the mind,
why should they feed on thoughts
and grow great wings
to fly like bats beneath the sky?

Why must they haunt
my waking dreams,
these fey unholy children?

Why do they call me by my name,
why do they sing my song?

Their gloating is a symphony
of heartlessness
and humour,
their toothless grins,
and gaping eyes,
their distant mien,
their slimy little tongues

their little bodies
dressed in frocks
and dancing by the fireside.

They are not ghosts
that come at night,
nor frights that stalk by day.
They are real and they are near;
they do not go away.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Another confessional
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Lonnie

Wed, 2013-11-20 09:41

Unless I am mistaken, there is more to this piece than meets the eye! It is well-crafted, haunts the reader with its intensiveness, and opens up doorways into other realms of thought. All these are the earmarks of good poetry!

William Saint George

Wed, 2013-11-20 11:37

William Saint George's picture

you are not mistaken, there is much more to this than is read. Your appreciating this poem makes me happier. Thank you again :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

Seren

Thu, 2013-11-21 06:38

Seren's picture

Like Lonnie I thought there is more to this poem than meets the eye, but I do have one slight boggle

their toothless grins,
and gaping eyes,
their distant mien,
their slimy little tongues

their little bodies
dressed in frocks
and dancing by the fireside.

The use of "their" is over used in this part of the poem, and it jars a little when I read it sometimes using the same word works but for me in this instance it doesn't work, it maybe just me that thinks this ? and I am not always right

I really loved the layering in this poem there is so many lines that can be read in different ways and in doing so tells you something different every time, thanks for posting other than my boggle this really is a excellent poem that in my opinion could be made better

regards JC x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

William Saint George

Thu, 2013-11-21 09:37

William Saint George's picture

I agree, JC.
That part was edited several times.I'm still trying to find the best way to communicate those verses without the maddening repetition. I'm glad you pointed it out :)

Thanks

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment
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