Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Killing God

I worked at a drive-in theatre
years ago
before they died.
not a bad job
lots of movies.
Some tedious tasks,
I had to check every speaker in the field.
Turn up volume,
listen,
move to next post.
Turn up volume,
listen,
move to next post.
Turn up volume,
listen,
move to next post.
500 times.

That day the light was yellow, electric,
turbulent clouds roiling ominously.
I stopped,
transfixed.
Staring at the half-brick in my hand.
Where the hell did that come from?
I looked around, bemused.
Five rows back at the edge of the field
was a small pile of rubble.

I smiled gently,
perhaps a little wickedly.
Of course.
In the middle of a field of metal posts,
an electric storm brewing.
If lightning strikes,
if there is a judgemental god,
I will meet that prick
armed with a half-brick.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

you clearly demonstrate the tediousness of your job with the repetition of the line of: "turn up the volume, listen, move to the next post" but, for me, the cherry on the cake of this poem Is:

If there is a judgemental god,
I will meet that prick
armed with a half-brick

thanks for the smile and uproarious laugh it gave me! the ending lines were a total surprise...did my heart good after all the gushy religious poems that have been posted as of late!

*love & hugs, Cat & eddy

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I must admit it was the gushy religious poems, especially from a new member, a self-confessed bible basher, that prompted me to post this.

It is one of my favourites of my own works and... an absolutely true story!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Who goes around beating up books?

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

an evangelist,
a proselytiser,
a spiritual rapist,
an ignorant piece of shit perpetrating ignorance and superstition,
don't pretend to be ignorant, Keith,
it ill becomes you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Don't pretend you don't know what that is, it ill becomes you. I could well be accused of being one of those you rail against but I strongly believe that a poetry site is not the place for such issues, either for or against.
So Jess, please take a deep breath, calm down, be happy.
Life's too short to take it seriously.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

sorry
Although I feel that poetry is the realm of everything.
The, now rare, original Neopoet T-shirt had the Salman Rushdie quote-
"A poet's work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep."

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

was thinking about this one!
actually waking up before coming down here
the Ambling Entertainment Movie
Back to the Future Three has the characters
in a drive in lot! "Marty and Doc"
aim the Delorean through the speaker posts
near afernoon to its proper speed for time
travel!
I remember as a kid riding our bikes through
the Muskoka Drive Inn at Madill Road! Huntsville
Then it was abandoned...one of the coolest
memories...Everything was still in the
concession stand in some broken dissaray!
including the reel machines and popcorn
machines! Years later they had it up and
running! we sat in a van on couches eating
nachos and getting wasted on whiskey
Forget the movie! that little speaker!!

I do indeed love your writing!
and this has been one of my faves...
Along with Bunger Gun and the
Drags!

thank you!

Mr Wolf!

We all held jobs that we were not really into.
But this drive in fascinates me to my inner core or being.
Could really relate to this piece keep them coming

Mario Vitale

I've been dying to ask you, what does "Registered poet having 1,000 toward credit platform" on your profile mean?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A picture came to me
a humon scurrying among posts,
stopping now and then to listen.
a noise that only he could hear

I watched him pause
Picking a half brick up
He looked to the skies
There a storm was raging

I heard him shout out
is there a God anywhere
I am ready to fight
I have a weapon
Then silence came

The storm left the area
The Humon looked about
An expression of loss
Is there a God
Or is my work so boring

Take care young Elf, one day someone may find out,
Then the shit will hit the fan..
Loves you Bru, Yours Ian.

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

WTF is a humon?
You think my work is boring?
For once, go fuck yourself.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I was playing with the picture you gave so well.
Next time I shall write about the structure if it is needed.
I was having a bit of fun, but as usual in one of your moods again you rebuke me for writing a reply.
WTF did you expect when you wrote such a child like poem, Yours equally moody, Sparrow..
PS:- HUMON, was used by an alien in a film called "Alien Mine" a few years ago and I liked the corruption much better than some of the American crap they corrupts our language with

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

sorry

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Best stay out of the storms for a while till the mood changes (smiling )
That we know each other so well, or so we think, and you know that I can give you unconditional love plus a bit of Brotherly love also makes things we do near OK,
Take care young Elf and know that you are in our thoughts,
Yours as always Ian, and the Children xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I think he may have been referring to Pascal's Wager, great mathematician - but shit, sorry Pascal, have to disagree with you there, haven't seen you posting on twitter recently after winning your bet that god (which one) was there to save you! QED

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I feel pretty safe, even in thunderstorms,
and I will have no bar with Pascal's wimpy wager.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

raw and heartfelt, the essence of the best poetry. I like the vivid imagery and the wealth of detail.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Keith

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

but be not afraid, Ian and I are old mates and poetry is a passionate thing, we mostly come from a helpful place.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I imagined poets with cordorouy jackets
and pipes....glasses with mousy smiles
a drawer for their gin!
Then I met the real ones
brawling bawling in and outers..
Jail psychiatrist places
the least likliest trios who shared
their careful constructs to few
Poetic gifts can strike like Lightening
no one is safe! Not even me!
and Im one of the more out there
crazies!
I remember the times when I
was against everyone and God!
still in me it just simmers now
Stienbeck was more a writer
but in it was the honest struggle
of man..nature and his ideals
of Gods or apathy and lack of it
But humans as a whole survive
with our beliefs and such
having being experienced
in aspects of organized religion
that we can only imagine!
(I shall suffice to say that many
have good reason to distrust
the Business of Religion!)

I like the idea of the Protaganist
caught in the alien atmosphere
of a drive in! one of the unique
systems of mans social landscape!
My girlfriend of the moment and I
went back to the haunted drive in
and She loved drive ins as a kid
so I stole or borrowed a Forgotten
speaker system and rebuilt it
for her! we had it plugged in
to the stereo for a spell!
I like that the warrior within came
out prepared to deal with the wrathful
ideal of God who smotes when he
feels just or otherwise!
we are still here arent we
regardless! and for that I am thankful!

I always enjoy aspects of man or woman
against the element or tide of convention
Reminds me of Melvins works!
or Atwoods writings!
Conrad!

Thank U! poets..

Mr wolf!

Mr Wolf

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

there are a few things he could answer for aren't there.I sit in hospital with new knee and copious pain. But at least I can access neo from here lol..........stan

Just take time to heal and soon as winter is over you will be able to walk among the aspens and feel the energy they give,
Great to know you have had the op just get better, Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Only one. Well I have two of them (and they are already past their use by dates). Anyway I have no complaints, still working well. Don't worry, the pain will soon be forgotten.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

terrible plight.physical and emotional!
neighbor said its a bad pain!
He had both knees done!
Thanks Scribbler for dropping in!
hope a speedy recovery for U!
Mr Wolf!

Very poorly written.

You should take a course in writing poetry before you post again.

May the force be with you and your Aborigine's

We do not joke on this board.
We take it very seriously

You forgot one thing-Aborigine

I have apologised and deleted the offending comment which was on a forum.

I am not sure how it reflects on the quality of my poetry though, unless this is childish tit-for-tat, which I suspect it is.

Also not sure how the word 'Aborigine' got in here. wkamen, correct me if I'm wrong, you seem to be using it in a derogatory sense. If that is the case the time for civility has passed. You can take your ignorant racist arse and fuck right off.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Dawkins would be proud, hope you like this version:

https://soundcloud.com/user528181418/killing-god

Sorry it took so long, I'm looking for another great example. This was magic.

Cheers.

Chris.

PS Dumb question, should know this, were you/are you a sound tech? I sense a sound tech, having known a couple.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I just know technology and how to use it. Audacity is pretty intuitive, amp boosting, noise reduction, bass boosting to make me sound more black and sexy [grins]. Do it all by levels and meters.

And thank you so much! Do you know how many readings I've done for poets here? And this is the first time anyone has done one of mine. It is really cool to hear it in another voice, to get that different perspective, as I've been so often told. And until now no-one bothered to return the favour. I wasn't going to plead.

Thanks man, and hey, a very cool, sensitive reading too. I'm actually a bit emotional right now. Thank you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Was my pleasure. Fuck me, can't believe no one has done any readings of yours? Wow, this is something i'm going to use more often, it builds confidence, and with a bit of tinkering and twatting around with the knobs, I too could sound "black" (irony perople, irony ;) - hope you feel OK soon.

Cheers,

Being summoned, fart sack and all that.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

does not mean being not ok, as a poet you know that. There were quite a few emotions mixed in there but not feeling anything is... death, even whilst breathing. Mostly there was gratitude.
Thanks again.

Don't worry, I'll take the flak for equating sounding black with sounding sexy, I said it first. And if our audience of poets here can't take a bit of, no fuck it, it wasn't irony, it was cheerful political incorrectness [grins].

If you want any help with recording tech, just ask. As I sad I use Audacity and it's two most powerful tools are amp boost and noise reduction.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I did grab a copy of audacity, and borrowed the young fellas Turtle Beach headset (apparently very good) I can see that some filters may be in order indeed. And yes, if other readers have their cheerful banter, with a heavy blob of irony radar all bent out pf shape, then, bollocks to it, as they say in my old home town, where we used to dance to two tone and ska.
Emotion derived by the stresses, and the caesura commas space etc,, is something that would do everyone some good to practice, 'out loud' is great resource.
Wouldn't make a bad workshop? Post a poem, read out loud, critique, others read, I think it would be a good thing.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

There is an incredible degree of technical illiteracy here. Some poets seem to almost take a Luddite sense of pride in it.
Within the last month I've encountered members with significant roles here, and very competent in those roles, who do not know how to copy and paste or the difference between an email address and a URL. I shit you not.

That's why I have taken on the readings myself. I thought others would join in and help as you have but no, they were happy to let me do it.

So man, as far as readings go it is just us two so far. You could really help a lot by encouraging others. You know I do a lot of admin work here, if you were to help and encourage members in live readings it would be spectacular. We could set up a group, frankly all they need is a laptop or a tower and headset, even Audacity is optional. Vocaroo for temporary stuff, SoundCloud for archival stuff.

Do you feel up to say posting a blog and feeling out who is capable and willing? You might have more success than me as, I fuckin hate it and it's not ego, some people seem to feel intimidated by me. What do you reckon? I would totally have your back.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

All right - bollocks I'll give it a crack, in a world where technical literacy, is as important as numeracy, and language literacy - we may need a gentle nudging plea to get people on board. I'll draft up something tomorrow. I have to do a ton of technical writing for my job (technical gah..the humanities) and we'll see what happens. I don't know if people are intimidated, perhaps they are? I think it's hilarious. I think they just might not be used to dealing with Australians, cultural thing. I encountered it when first working for the TAFE in QLD, once I got past the fact that 'cunt' was in fact a term of endearment - then I was OK! And it is just a word, like any other. The internet is a playground, none of us are about to become the next Elliot, Hughes, Larkin, take your pick - and what's to lose?
Might draft something up - IM it to you to give it the "is this too twatty" sanity check, then go from there.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I keep seeing something new every time I read this piece.
What a charming way to spend an afternoon.
Remember at the drive in the radio boxes they would install in your car for sound
Man, really takes my back I gain new fresh perspectives every time I read this amazing piece.

Lovely mate
Cheers,

Mario William Vitale

Mario Vitale

I recall reading this just after you posted it and I'd have sworn I'd commented. Must be getting senile(r) lol. I recall drive in movies and the mosquitos and bad movies. "Course most people weren't there for the movie anyway. I liked the being among lightning rods as the storm approaches and the idea of challenging god with a birch is a bit........ummmm.........ironic? Only thing I'g suggest is trying to turn the last part into a form poem in the shape of a lightning bolt........stan

reading all your dialogues here
which are more interesting than your poetry

I wonder if I am on the right site

I always ask
WHERE IS GOD
Can any one of you answer me
but NOTE
you must have your own brains
don't give me answers
you have been tutored
singe ages past
and
ages hence
where is really God's province
or is he really now
factually
ABSENT

Turn over a leaf and he is there, listen to the crickets and hear his voice. Consider the great mystery which await us all and you'll sense him.

All above poets Ian stan keith etc
now esker also

is not provable such as x+y=z
Individuals tend to look on their overall life experience and weigh up whether they believe that what they have observed fits in better with either yay or nay. This is especially so if they feel that prayers have been, or have not been answered.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.