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Killer's Kiss

Steaming jungle darkly wrapped
closing in, keeps him trapped
Sounds of life, and of death
he holds his screaming, nervous breath

Life crawls by, touching him
he holds his bowels, filled to brim
Eyes strain to see through blinding gloom
Trying to guess; where comes his doom

Blacker blackness slides closer still
waiting for the chance to kill
Senses tuned to ultimate
this is as good as it gets

Emotion roils, filling him with life
as he holds the ebon bladed knife
Fear is banished to another realm
while instinct takes the darkness' helm

No sound escapes his radar ear
He can smell the other's fear
Inch by inch...it seems a mile
Now he's here; a closed mouth smile

A gurgle of breath,and a bloody gush
gives the gift of a killer rush
No drug replaces a high like this
Sex can't beat Doc Death's kiss

Now he roams, aching to fill
the void within .... he needs to kill
Injections of joy, in greater doses
feeds the beast of his psychosis

Depraved souls, none will miss
The scum of life gets Killer's kiss

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I could use some ideas for a title. I thought that it might be appropriate to have a Killer poem for my first post, and on Halloween!

Comments

great write Gee.
one thing i'd change, but just me - for the flow

'Blackness blacker slides closer still
waiting for the chance to kill'
i would make 'Blacker blackness slides closer still...'
but just me as i said.

i enjoyed the suspense
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I took your sugestion, and turned the two words around, it does sound better. thanks, ~ Gee

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and I played a lot of video games, went to my sister's 25 th wedding anniversary, made a plaque for them that says their name and 25 years of satisfaction since 1985. They liked it. ~ Gee

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I like it a lot, only thing I will say is, maybe line 4 verse 6, would sound better if you said doctor rather than doc.Great job.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

I think I will leave those lines the way they are, they are supposed to be terse, and the pace medium fast.
Besides, when did you ever hear a soldier call out; Hey Doctor? Love,~ Yoda

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out of the first three comments liked Killer's Kiss, I went with that! i almost went with 'Blades of Doom, or Black Blade, but thought that I should have Killer in the title, since it is about what he did in the war. Love and hugs, ~ Gee

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I went with Killer's Kiss. Yes, Killer let himself go when he was at war. Now that he is home, he restricts his kill to criminals.
Boy, it is great to be back at Neo! ~ Gee

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I was going to say you had to write this one for Halloween right? LOL It was a bit scary and good all in the same token. I missed your chats and missed reading you. Hope all is fine g ood by you and hope to see you in Saturday nite chats again:) Geezer!!

Love at ya guy
Mona Magics:)

wasn't it? I watched a couple of movies, the night before this was written, and one of them was The Sniper, the other was Predator.
I then had a dream about the two combined, and this was born the following morning. I am looking forward to chats too. I missed you all. Love right back at ya, ~ Gee

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Geezer,

I don't know why, but as soon as I started reading this I thought of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, and images of Kurtz and Marlowe.

Very cool write. It took me all over the place, and back.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

after all, isn't that what our works are supposed to do?
Those of us that write, would be nothing without the audience. i write to share what I feel, and hope that I can make you feel it too.
I am pleased to no end, that I was thought of in the same company as the writers you mentioned. It is comments and thoughts such as yours and the people that respond to my writing, that makes me keep writing. Thank you, ~ Gee

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Creepy creepy creepy! I loved it!

Much Love,
Elizabeth

his love, and hopes that that the new Neo, will be as kind to him as the old Neo was. There will be new Killer, as soon as he gets back from vacation. love ya, ~ Gee

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