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Killer's Kiss

Steaming jungle darkly wrapped
closing in, keeps him trapped

Sounds of life and of death
he holds his screams and nervous breath
Life crawls by, touching him
he holds his bowels, filled to brim

Eyes strain to see through blinding gloom
trying to guess whence comes his doom
darker blackness slides closer still
waiting for the chance to kill

Senses tuned to ultimate
this is as good as it gets
Emotions roil filling him with life
as he holds the ebon bladed knife

Fear is banished to another realm
while instinct takes the darkness' helm
No sound escapes his radar ear
He can smell the other's fear

Now he's here; a silent smile
A gurgle of breath, a bloody gush
gives the gift of a killer's rush
No drug replaces a high like this
sex can't beat Doc Death's kiss

Now, he roams, aching to fill
the void within...he needs to kill
Injections of joy, in greater doses
feeds the beast of his psychosis
Depraved souls, none will miss
The scum of life gets Killer's kiss

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Killer is the product of everyone's urge to take care of the evil that sometimes escapes justice. Thank you, Teddy for this look back on the first poem that I posted after "The Crash" you made some very good comments and critique in this workshop. ~ Gee. .
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

great write Gee.
one thing i'd change, but just me - for the flow

'Blackness blacker slides closer still
waiting for the chance to kill'
i would make 'Blacker blackness slides closer still...'
but just me as i said.

i enjoyed the suspense
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I took your sugestion, and turned the two words around, it does sound better. thanks, ~ Gee

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and I played a lot of video games, went to my sister's 25 th wedding anniversary, made a plaque for them that says their name and 25 years of satisfaction since 1985. They liked it. ~ Gee

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I like it a lot, only thing I will say is, maybe line 4 verse 6, would sound better if you said doctor rather than doc.Great job.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

I think I will leave those lines the way they are, they are supposed to be terse, and the pace medium fast.
Besides, when did you ever hear a soldier call out; Hey Doctor? Love,~ Yoda

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out of the first three comments liked Killer's Kiss, I went with that! i almost went with 'Blades of Doom, or Black Blade, but thought that I should have Killer in the title, since it is about what he did in the war. Love and hugs, ~ Gee

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I went with Killer's Kiss. Yes, Killer let himself go when he was at war. Now that he is home, he restricts his kill to criminals.
Boy, it is great to be back at Neo! ~ Gee

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I was going to say you had to write this one for Halloween right? LOL It was a bit scary and good all in the same token. I missed your chats and missed reading you. Hope all is fine g ood by you and hope to see you in Saturday nite chats again:) Geezer!!

Love at ya guy
Mona Magics:)

wasn't it? I watched a couple of movies, the night before this was written, and one of them was The Sniper, the other was Predator.
I then had a dream about the two combined, and this was born the following morning. I am looking forward to chats too. I missed you all. Love right back at ya, ~ Gee

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author comment

Geezer,

I don't know why, but as soon as I started reading this I thought of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness, and images of Kurtz and Marlowe.

Very cool write. It took me all over the place, and back.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

after all, isn't that what our works are supposed to do?
Those of us that write, would be nothing without the audience. i write to share what I feel, and hope that I can make you feel it too.
I am pleased to no end, that I was thought of in the same company as the writers you mentioned. It is comments and thoughts such as yours and the people that respond to my writing, that makes me keep writing. Thank you, ~ Gee

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author comment

Creepy creepy creepy! I loved it!

Much Love,
Elizabeth

his love, and hopes that that the new Neo, will be as kind to him as the old Neo was. There will be new Killer, as soon as he gets back from vacation. love ya, ~ Gee

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this is what I was talking about! You have made compelling arguements for each of your suggestions and I will be sure to take heed. I will look over these changes side-by-side and post my changes a little later. Thank you for such an in-depth review.
You have measured up to this workshop in a most significant way! Gee.
.

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I will look into that idea about giving an intro to Killer. Killer is an integral part of the need for all of us to sort out the evil in this world. He is; on a basic level, our need for justice in a society where the bad guy sometimes gets away. ~ Gee.
.

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