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A Killer Excuse...

In the shadows of the alley
there are things that lurk
In the dark untouched by moon-glow
there is evil hard at work

A shudder rips through my body
I don't want to be alone
My hand is really trembling
as I try to dial my phone

I imagine there is a Killer
waiting just for me
he's out there, being quiet
I strain my eyes to see

A blacker black is moving
So dark, defeating light
Imagination playing tricks?
There is something... out of sight

The iron scent of blood
creeps into my nose
I hear the raven mutter
It's another one of those!

I jump and look back wildly
“What did you say, Death's bird?
What did you say, I'm asking?
Did I hear what I just heard?”

A cackle and a rustle now
My call has just been dropped
I see a scary shadow there
where a broom is propped

I can't stand this terror
I have to get away
There's nothing like this ever
in the light of day

Thank the heavens, there's the street
Just a little bit to go
There's gas-lights being lit
I'm almost there, but NO !

From behind, the talons grab me
I tear free and run real fast
Sobbing out my mother's name
I fall on the road at last
My jacket is all ripped and torn
By iron fingers or a knife
I have just escaped a murderer
Got away; with precious life

What was I thinking, to walk alone
through the darkest night?
I must have been a bit crazy
I've had such an awful fright

Dad is waiting patiently
on the porch, I see him now
He must have E.S.P.
He must have known somehow

As he puts an arm around me
I tense up in suspense
I wonder if he'll feel the rips
where I was caught up on the fence

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This great! What a smooth read and great ending. I wish I could write like this...I'm working on some poems with structure and rhymes - most of my stuff is free verse. You make it look easy.

This is the way I always used to write. When I started writing poetry, I thought that if it didn't rhyme, it wasn't poetry. When I was in high-school, that I realized that there were many different types of poetry, but found that I still thought in rhyme when writing. It wasn't until I came to Neo. that I started trying different forms and writing free-verse. Sometimes I struggle with a poem for a while and if I can't get it the way that I want, I just put it aside and go back later and try again. Sometimes it just flows from my four finger typing to the page and I have to re-write very little. I do find that it pays to be flexible and if a line or two isn't working, I am not afraid to ditch it and try something else. There are many people, that if they write a line that they think is particularly good, just can't get past it and use a forced rhyme to make it work. I try not to do that. As to the ending; I kind of knew about half way through the write, where it was going to end up, but not how to make it do it. Matter of fact, I started out to write a different poem altogether and it took on a life of it's own; like they do sometimes, and then I had to let it go line by line, until... Anyways, thanks for the read and comment and I look forward to seeing some of your attempts at rhyme. ~ Geezer.
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But I'd like to do one of your 'Killer' poems to post on our Neopoet Facebook page.
Which one do you recommended? I plan to get all sinister and dramatic in the reading.

https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/a-killer-excuse-by-geezer

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

to listen to your recording and I loved it! Thanks for this one, can't wait to hear one of either one of these two.
1].Port de Porc
2]. Haute Cuisine

I'll have to try it myself one of these days. Hope I can do as good a job. Thanks, ~ Gee.
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and I will get back to you in the next day or two. I'm excited to hear one, as I think you will do a fine job. ~ Gee.
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Killer still strikes fear into the reader, especially when they are out at night..
Loved the ending brought a sense of relief to me and the subject I bet.
Keep them coming as they are well worth waiting for..
As to Digit I haven't had any news of him for a while lol..
Take care out there, and no going out late on your own.
Yours Ian.

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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

well rhymed, i wish i can rhyme like you

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

I love to read and I do a lot of it, I read at least a couple of books a week. I mostly like Sci-fi and fantasy, but will read just about anything when I'm out of my favorite stuff. I like a good murder mystery and I will on occasion, read a murder/mystery/romance novel. What has that to do with rhyme? I guess that it keeps lots of words in my head, and when I'm writing poetry, I have a good supply of them to use. Practice, practice, practice, not everything that comes out from under my fingers comes out as I would like it. As I said to the Captain, I sometimes labor over a poem for a couple of days, changing lines, words and rearranging things. Sometimes it comes out real easy. But mostly, I just love doing what I am doing and if it brings a smile or bit of emotion to another, it makes it all worth while. Keep writing and write about things that are familiar, stuff that you know about. Never be too proud to look up the meaning of a word you might want to use and if it works out, you have another word at your disposal. ~ Geezer,
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