Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Killer and The Storm Within...

The wind beat raindrops into spears
and threw them at his face
Caught by his dour expression
they ran down creases in a race

He found shelter in a darkened cave
soon had a fire going bright
Threw back his hood and stood
looking out at the stormy night

Steam rose from his sodden cloak
but he shivered still
The darkness held him closely
sucking at his will

Thoughts and emotions swirling
he heard a wolf's mournful cry
His lonely heart showed a memory
in the place behind his eye

It's gone, but not forgotten yet
maybe he never will
A place before the troubles
and when he learned to kill

A lonesome wail breaks the silence
a brother feels his soul
He howls back and listens
he hears a voice, with the thunder's roll

So familiar, the tone and tenor
it is his brother Gee
"How did I find you Killer?
you forget, it's you and me"

Sir Gee, if I could but grasp you
I'd end your sorry life
A bloody stain, I'd leave you here
but there's no flesh to use my knife"

You are my imagination, see
I've let you get away
I can't kill you like the others
but I'll be rid of you someday

"No, never will that happen
for I'm with you 'till the end
I will never betray you
I am your best friend"

The ravens called and a bell did toll
the thunderstorm rolled past
Wolves kept howling, as he listened
and he fell asleep at last

The morning came, the sky was clear
and Sir Gee was gone
Killer woke and doused the fire
to be alone at dawn

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like your title, it speaks volumes about the poem. this piece is a soul-searcher. but I think you should do some more work on it. if you read it out loud, you will hear the rough spots. I like the conversation between Killer and Sir Gee. I think you should explain (in the next box) who they both are.

ever, eddy & Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Forwarded Message --------
Subject: The Time Is Now: Unexpected Unearthings
Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2022 05:01:23 -0500 (EST)
From: Poets & Writers <[email protected]>

Reply-To: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

where you are hearing the roughness, but I changed a few spots. Killer is a killer and a cannibal; he has an alter-ego who he calls Sir Gee, because it chastises him for eating human flesh, The killing is alright, because he only kills bad people, murderers, rapists and child-molesters. His memories of before he became a killer are from his childhood, when his mother and brother were still alive. His father had killed his little brother in the midst of molesting him and killer is sure that it wasn't a heart attack that killed his mother, but his father's drunken beatings. He ran away from home when he was just 16 and vowed to come back and kill his father when he was big and strong enough, but by the time he came back, his father had already died. He then set out to save as many people as he could and revenge those he couldn't save.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

I reread the poem and it is fine. I hope that people read your response to me and get a more clear picture. great work.

*eddy & Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.