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Kalon

spring lady beetles
destroy soft, sap-filled aphids-
faultless peach roses

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

To keep the bad one at bay. Here in NC, there are so many bad bugs.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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that last line is best. Not that the rest is bad; just that is the best! ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

It works well.
I'm with Mark, you don't need a dash.

Obi.

to see my roses. I agree with the removal of the dash. When in doubt, take it out! I also stole some alliteration from Geezer. Much appreciated everyone.

author comment

the green makes it more visual, but I was originally going for soft sounds, "s", "ph". Dilemma!

author comment

the green makes it more visual, but I was originally going for soft sounds, "s", "ph". Dilemma!

author comment

[filled] instead of green? ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

stolen and bastardized. Thank you.

author comment

my pleasure!

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Those cute little lady bugs are monsters to some other insects lol

Thank you. Actually, I thought I was quite done with this poem and it was by accident. I was reading a book: Reclaiming Beauty for the Good of the World and came across a discussion of the word and I thought "Perfect!" and popped it in.

author comment

Congrats on winning the contest Arrow!

Cheers

Michael Anthony

on winning the June contest! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

all! I appreciate it.

author comment
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