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Just Practising! - with iambic pentameter

The robin sings it's song atop the tree.
A tuneful sound, resounding melody.

The ROB /in SINGS /it's SONG / a TOP / the TREE
a TUNE / ful SOUND, / re SOUND / ing MEL / o DY

----------- iambic pentameter --------------

I haven't got the time, so says the clock,
my gears are failing, hence I've lost my tock.
My springs have gone all rusty with decay,
and so I can't recall the time of day.

I HAVE / nt GOT / the TIME, / so SAYS / the CLOCK
My GEARS / are FAIL / ing HENCE / i've LOST / my TOCK.
my SPRINGS / have GONE / all RUST / y WITH / de CAY
and SO / I CANT / re CALL / the TIME / of DAY.

( I have a feeling "de CAY" should be "DE cay" )

Editing stage: 

Comments

Dear Mand.
Yes, you did it.
10/10 .... Bravo!
Now back to the sonnet
Twelve more lines and you are there.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Awesome!

author comment

You have a feel for rhythm
Just curious - have you studied music?

Great couplet...
Now try a quatrain in iambic pentameter
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Self taught - not to a professional degree but enough to get me by - it helps with the meter?

I just hope this one isn't a one off. :) Still it's given me a boast. I have attempted a sonnet ( just one ) haven't put it up because it's just a sonnet not an Italian sonnet.

Anyway I'm glad I've managed to get this part right.so far :)

Thanks for coming by to make a comment.

Love to you

Mand xxx

author comment

i sneaked in here to see if i could gather some tips and find that you scored a perfect10 in the first attempt...and me is struggling...lol...

keep it up...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

You are doing really well! it takes time - but your getting there!

besides this might well be beginners luck! lol

Love to you

Mand xxxx

author comment

Well done
You have iambic pentameter down pat
Time to start work on your sonnet
Xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

it's at this point that I'm starting to get smug! somebodies goin to have to slap me! Lol :)

xxxx

author comment

Isyam bic penty whats it, I get what it is, and have great praise for those that write in that form but to me it is a long process and takes far too long to say what I want to say.
Well done Mand a great write at it. Urgggggg.
Yours Ian xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

True! it does take longer - a deal of patience is required lest everything in close proximity get's ripped to smithereens! Lol

Thanks for your encouraging comment Ian - tis greatly appreciated! :)

Love to you

Mand xxxx

author comment

This is really awesome

I would however parse this line something like

my SPRINGS | are now | ALL RUST |ed WITH | deCAY,

keep up the good work dear!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

But I don't agree
I parse that as
my SPINGS | are NOW | all RUST | -ed WITH | de -CAY
perfect iambic,,,
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

So should that be adjusted? :) how about:

my SPRINGS / have GONE / all RUST / y WITH / de CAY

author comment

this well solves the disputation dear :) :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

it is :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

nice to know it is right! Phew

author comment
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