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Just Life (December Contest)

I cling to my faint rattling breath
It changes as the seasons
Yet still gives me life's air.
A quiet mass that sustains me

Many things pass my eyes
I am not seeing so well
Irritated by more sights
This is just an age thing

My legs seem to be someone’s
I wonder whose, as they move
I follow them now, no driving
Just lean forward, and there you go

I think my heart has been given away
It beats, no, throbs in more places
It creases my brow, etching lines
It keeps me awake with its noise.

There the dust is settling now
All over, hands not wanting to clear
Dropping glasses, and other things
Shaking to many rhythms unknown.

One day as this cycle ends
I will join the sightless ones
No more wandering on shaking pins
A silent heart, me changing to dust.

Did I say farewell to you all?
I fear not, there are many reasons
As when my hands stopped shaking
I could no longer write to you.

See you in another place….

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Just a fiction for Christmas and beyond
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

I like the first stanza the way it flow through i find a little bit difficult to get it alright but I tried to catching up with at last well, good luck

Thank you for your comment, I wish other poets would enter the contest it is good for them as they will receive comments on their write, Talk to you again soon , Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

author comment

of the Christmas story of the three ghosts! Okay, Ebenezer! Just one crit. I would change the [your] to [my] breath. ~ Gee.
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As always Thank you, I have corrected the mistake of persons lol.
Have a lovely Christmas and all of you have a great new Year 2020.
Yours as always. Ian ..

Words can build a nation

author comment

And Ian may you fly high
this time leaving me behind

You know I is going for second as the temp here is down I need to go on another cruise lol
Have a great Christmas where ever you are.
And have a great new Year,
Yours as always Ian ..

Words can build a nation

author comment

same from me
double large dose please

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