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JUST Imagine with me! (A Triolet)

Imagine Palestine free!
Imagine its land's not defiled!
Imagine me breathing its sea!
Imagine Palestine free
And its children live cheerfully!
Imagine us never having been exiled!
Imagine Palestine free!
Imagine its land's not defiled!

Yet we're winners anyways, we'll be paid back the price
We fight, we might restore our land or not- that's fine.
For we might be martyres then win the paradise.
We're winners anyways , we'll be paid back the price
But never shall the bad guys win, never shall the mice.
For Palestine we live and die. 'We're Palestine'
We're winners anyways we'll be paid back the price
We fight, we may restore our land or not- that's fine.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Rula may your imagination become a reality ...i am sure many of your countrymen have the same imagination....it's sad that they have to imagine for something which is their own...it is an irony like imagining your mother is your mother...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

good simile dear raj. Yes, its really sad, but what I know is that fighting for our rights we are winners anyway.
We either free our land or die as martyres and win the paradise.
See! We'll never go losers.
Thank you for your kind support.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

well hope is a seed which makes dreams and hope should be that truth shall ultimately prevail....after all the little bit of good against evil is what helps in our beliefs...

to maintain consistency I believe you need to add an apostrophe in the first line to make it "Imagine Palestine's free"
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raj (sublime_ocean)

I've tweaked a bit and added one more triolet. What do you think?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Looks good...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

raj for approving.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

The entire world is on your side with the exception of the parties in power of the USA and Israel. In the USA a growing majority of Jews are appalled at the barbarity of the Israelis as are many in Israel In the long run history will not be kind to this genocide. But there is no solution to the insistence to the extreme hamas positions of non recognition of the state of Israel. Without that the hard liners continue to keep their power. So your poem is vague on that point. Does it not matter whether you restore your land or not? What is the purpose of the struggle? To have a “free palistine” That is a dream worth imagining! But for me both sides have to mature into non tribalism. And once and for all throw off the curse of religion. For me all religion is a disease at the heart of all this. How do we deal with this 3000 year nightmare ?
I think you poem expresses itself with honesty. But without addressing the tribal hate because of absentee gods I do not see a solution. Only a dream

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Appreciate your views and thoughts. I think its hard here to agree or/and meet in a point as we have different religious beliefs. My point is clear, the fight/struggle is continuing anyway. Fighting the Israeli becomes "everyday's bread" in Palestine, but if I'm killed/martyred before restoring the land, I won't be a less winner as paradise is what I'll gain. Was my intent clear in my lines (second triolet)?
I know this is something hard to be understood or appreciated by a non believer but thought I would share it anyway, so thank you for listening to me. Much appreciate it, always.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

The jews and the Palestinians are so much the same:
They like the same foods- hummus and baba ganoush on pita, what could be better
They like the same music- the same beats, the same soul
They speak the same languages and can understand eachother
The men treat the women like breeding animals -for the"conservative" Jew and fundamentalist Moslem. This too must change!
The men like the same sports...and on and on.

So what's all this hatred about if not who's god is better and worth dying for?
Both religions adhere to the same commandments. I am sorry to be so passionate about this very disappointing performance by the creator. As one person scrawled it on a wall at Auschwitz, where millions died "If there is a god, he will have to beg forgiveness from me"

We must make this life the paradise. As your poem is about "Imagine" I think of the song
by John Lennon. It says it all. Do you know all the words?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

"The jews and the Palestinians are so much the same:
They like the same foods- hummus and baba ganoush on pita, what could be better
They like the same music- the same beats, the same soul
They speak the same languages and can understand eachother"

Mark,
I need to add to what you have said above that they also (((liked))) our homes and farms too. Therefore they stole/seized them.
I wonder how others have to feel if they were in the same position, the Palestinians position that is.

And about God and religion, I'm sorry we've reached to this point of disagreement. I think you need to read more about Islam. There is a very big difference between Islam and some Muslims who might mis-behave.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Armenians, Kurds, Jews, Palestinians...on and on. Why is it that those so brutalized in time so often become the monsters themselves?
The word Palestinian has its roots in a Hebrew word meaning “Philistine.” The Jews were the Hebrews. They took turns stealing each other's lands, butchering each other for the last 3000 years.
That's why I hate religious tribalism. It will never end as long as that exists.
As for your own situation, I have nothing but sadness. It is not your fault all this happened. At first it seemed the Jewish refugees who survived the Nazis (after they gassed over 6 million) and the people of Palestine were getting along. That lasted like 3 years. Now 70 years later your generation is in a fix. With so much hate and resentment, so much need of revenge, how can there ever be peace? It is up to your generation and the young generation of Isreali's to try and figure it out. It is not like Jews and Palestinians are like the Vikings, with a raw savagery in their blood. They are basically peaceful people. All I can hope for is that they reach out to each other in this new world of electronic connection and start the process of healing.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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