Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Joyful Spring

In spring the garden is a feast of blossom,
with attractive riots of diverse flowers,
day by day their freshness looms,
like the dews of the morning showers.

the joyful spring unveils the beauty of nature,
for without the spring nature is barren!
for this scintillating outlook a pure cynosure,
for the peace of the spring seems like Aspen.

for the joyful spring comes not only by flowers,
for there should be a joyful spring of lovers,
for the entirety of every looking ambience emanates,
from the engrafted nectar of it's outlook that originates.

the joyful spring is a garden of scented roses plants and trees,
the inhabit the territorial areas of farm land and bees,
if every marriage is so peaceful like this,
the world shall go forward and fix!

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I am rather fond of these lines and I learned a new word from you:

the joyful spring unveils the beauty of nature,
for without the spring nature is barren!
for this scintillating outlook a pure cynosure,
for the peace of the spring seems like Aspen.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you so much the esteemed bard Cat.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

Spring is indeed, a cynosure of color, and explosion of life. You must be a gardener or at least lover of flowers! Very nice work!
I was aware of the word, but had not used it, ever! Thanks for giving me ideas for the use of it.~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Heart felt thanks Geezer for reading through.
Yes, indeed I love flowers especially when they bud afresh! Flowers inspires me alot any time I glue my eye on it. You're very competent in predicting people especially through their artistic work. Wonderful!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

I think the form of it with two four line stanzas, and two five line stanzas is thought out.

Having said that, I have to ask why did you separate S2 fro S3? Seems to me that they are of the similar thought-line, and certainly the repetition of "For" is present in both. Just wondering.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I appreciate your critique here. But, there was no separation. It's a four line stanzas hence each stanza is marked with punctuations! The separation you noticed was just a mistake. It's now corrected.

Line two and three are dissimilar! The vary from each other. Go back to it again.

The usage of 'FOR' is just my flow. Does it look awkward?

Thank you for keeping an eye!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

I like your changes.... In my opinion [worth what you paid for it $0.00] this reads better and is mo' better.
.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I have been a lyric writer more than a poet so I tend to look at poems from a lyricist's viewpoint.

I read out the poems loud especially to rhyming pieces to capture the flow. This worked well in that aspect except maybe for the rather long:

"the joyful spring is a garden of scented roses plants and trees,"

That said you weren't attempting a song lyric so it works as a poem but for me I would have shortened it to keep the meter flowing vocally.

You certainly described the Spring in all its glory & the theme was maintained throughout painting the images for us to see in vivid colour, & feel in a tranquil atmosphere.

Good strong piece.

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.