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Journeys

Journeys

“What big teeth you have, Granny!”,
said Little Red Riding Hood.

I’m a shadow
gliding through woods,
invisible to the eyes of beasts.

I’ll transfix fire in their orbs
with an icy gaze,
run light fingers over fangs
feeling triumphant.

I’ll pass through monsters,
a subtle silhouette
dressed in transparencies.

In archetypal domains,
inhabited by shades of fabulous creatures,
predators and voracious old ladies
in lace caps, between the essence
and form of legendary beings,
fancied lives,
tales written in imaginary memories,
I shall be reborn.

With invincible claws
I shall destroy the monsters dwelling in me.
From the labyrinth of fables
I wove in infancy,
anticipating the dawn of my nights,
I shall return.

Unconfined by my red cape,
I’ll return naked to The Source,
bearing a golden basket.
I shall restore fruits Mother Earth lent me
when she initiated me on journeys
through mythical space.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
My poem is a therapeutical journey into past, scary events, which may or may not have happened. It's all metaphorical.
Editing stage: 

Comments

what a wonderful story in poem form you have presented here. Having been nourished on Grimm's fairytales myself, I have no problem identifying with scary critters and voracious hags, such as you have seen in your mind. Whether real or imagined during troubled nights, I know that in your shadow persona you have declawed or destroyed those horrifying nightmare monsters. I have no crits at all Gracy. Simply enjoyed reading your therapeutic, metaphorical tale. A fine post, Gracy.
Jerry

Hi Jerry, thanks for the nice comments. I was certainly nourished on Grimms tales and other terrifying ones, such as Red Riding Hood, etc.
I'm sorry to say that I have not declawed or gotten rid of all the hags or monsters in my mind. I often dream of long lost loved ones, sometimes they appear standing by my bed, so real...
I wrote this poem a long time ago, perhaps when I was at uni, but not sure.
Thanks again, I sure don't mind any crits.

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"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man." T.S. Eliot, from The Wasteland.

author comment

of Jerry. Wow, nice stuff ! Metaphysical or no, you have woven a tale as fine as any red cape on any little old granny. Can't wait to see what you bring to the next chat on the Darkside! ~ Geezer.
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Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Thank you, Geezer. Glad you like it. I may bring on some more, I have so many poems, some published and others waiting for me to show them in some forum for workshopping. Is the chat this Saturday?

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"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man." T.S. Eliot, from The Wasteland.

author comment

but Katie is having one this Saturday at 9pm EST. Mine is 8pm EST next Saturday! You should try to be at Katie's for even just a little as she is having a night of supplied titles and we will each contribute a line to make a whole poem. We used to do it all the time. It's fun! ~ Geezer.
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Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

I'll try to be here for Katie's chat. Sounds fun!

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"The very existence of libraries affords the best evidence that we may yet have hope for the future of man." T.S. Eliot, from The Wasteland.

author comment
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