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JOURNEY

Life, but a journey of twist and turns,
many are still boarding in,
while others are on their way.
yet, we're in diverse routes.

The journey of life never smooths,
but rough, and with hard ends,
the path way of success,
treads on thicket of thorns.

We must continue moving forward,
no matter the dense fog,
time is ahead of us all,
let's stop dawdling.

The journey of life is too far,
from my mind of perspective,
I see a long destination awaits us,
be always diligent and goal-oriented.

For the journey of life will soon end,
for each and everyone of all shall pass,
the wind circles among the trees,
and it bangs about the new-made leaves.

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

Hello, Jack,
This is a quiet poem, simple in thought, yet wise and inviting. It speaks to all of us equally, and brings us together in a down-to-earth, matter of fact way. You have beautiful language. Your last stanza is my favorite - "the wind circles among the trees, and it bangs about the new-made leaves." There is gentle action, movement throughout the poem - people entering, others already there, all of us eventually exiting. Your title is brief, much like the journey itself, and very appropriate.
Thank you!
L

Thanks a bunch for your beautiful analysis. I enjoyed reading your commentaries on my works. Hoping to see you again giving me a critical review.

Thanks!
.

"Poetry is invariably imbued with a sense of calm and serenity".

~Jackweb

author comment

asking for critical reviews, and I will say to you, this is perfect the way that it is! Your particular flavor is seasoned just right on this one. I see no technical mistakes and the thought process is natural. No contrivance would make this better! ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

My sincere gratitude for your kind words.
.

"Poetry is invariably imbued with a sense of calm and serenity".

~Jackweb

author comment
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