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Ivan the Terrible and his Son - Canvas Print 1000 Words Contest.

Submitted by riotface97 on Tue, 2017-07-11 04:05

The boy looks up,
essence subsiding,
says
“You will not be forgiven
for this.”

For if God comes down to crimson thick;
pooling on the floor, around the skin,
he’ll cry depravity.

Ivan the terrible crouched by the mantlepiece;
holding only one word,

“Indeed.”

“Beat the stomach of the whore
that child
stays forever young.”

Shame.

And in another life you fled to the mountains
stopped poison rings round Mother’s cup
infection taking Father’s leg.

Learnt love.
learnt life.

innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was innocent.Once I was.

.
.
.
Artwork - https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/ivan-the-terrible-and-his-son-by-nick-rio...
Reading (Credit: Weirdelf) - https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/ivan-the-terrible-and-his-son-by-nick-rio...

Last few words: 
One of my favourite artworks of all the time. Loved the competition, hope you like the poem. Thanks also to Jess, who read and recorded the audio version linked above. Nicholas.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
1000 words can paint a picture

Comments

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2017-07-11 10:33

vandiemenspeak's picture
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This almost biblical piece of confronting art. Interesting form and narrative structure, I like the way you've given us these three cinematic scenes - destroying and disturbing time, then the crazy repeated mantra at the end, brave stuff indeed - you should post an audio version.
One suggestion, I don't think the numbered verses are necessary - they just bullet point the obvious, only space is required, and I think this is powerful enough to carry its own weight, without their intrusion.
Original, and refreshing, thank you.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

riotface97

Fri, 2017-07-21 06:36

riotface97's picture
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I think it's part of the seemingly never-ending struggle of trying to be confident in your own work. Really appreciate the kind words.

Nicholas.

author comment

vandiemenspeak

Fri, 2017-07-21 09:32

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And don't worry about the"day gig" getting in the way..I have to write around a bloody job, and commuting that sucks up a shit load of time..you will actually find inspiration there..hell if William Carlos Williams could do it..
Keep going, you'll be right.

Cheers.

PS I think that the audio renderings here are invaluable.. you can hear where people trip stumble, and also soar within your words..gives you a whole new perspective, I'll be posting something on the subject soon..

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-07-14 15:47

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I offer my verbal-
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/ivan-the-terrible-and-his-son-by-nick-rio...
(I fell a few "Once I was innocent."s short. Ran out of breath. Sorry.)
As usual, need your permission to post to Neopoet.com on Facebook.

Oh, I don't know or can't remember your surname. What is it to credit your poem properly?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

vandiemenspeak

Sat, 2017-07-15 11:32

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Spectacular ending - spot on.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

riotface97

Fri, 2017-07-21 06:38

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Started full-time work this week, has left me jaded and neglectful of the things I enjoy doing. Love the verbal renditions you do, it's invaluable to have these read out loud by a different voice, allows me as a writer to take a step back and review them from an otherwise inaccessible place. As always, I'd love it to appear on the Facebook page.

Nicholas.

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-07-21 06:49

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Please don't let it be Golgafrincham or otherwise soul-destroying, you've got a precious one.
And if the devil approaches you, let me make a counter offer, ok?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

riotface97

Fri, 2017-07-21 06:54

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Could be worse, and the kitchens home to a lot of other creative/writer types, so we struggle through it together. Not looking to give up the soul any time soon, although scuffing it up a bit around the edges seems customary for those of us who write.

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-07-21 07:53

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at recent market values,
for 3 pulp novelists,
around equal value for starving artists, if they're good,
also equal value for any person who lives,
about 50 middle managers,
there aren't enough advertising executives or marketing managers in the universe to add up to one,
and power used to count for something but the bottom has fallen right out of the market for presidents, you got to pay to take one of those nasty things off your hands.

Still, remember, I'll match any offer.
[grins evilly, with a touch of compassion, some love, a pinch a caustic soda, two teaspoons of beauty, a faint bouquet of intuition, ducks his head and sidles away]

.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

weirdelf

Mon, 2017-07-31 07:55

weirdelf's picture
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https://uploads4.wikiart.org/images/ilya-repin/ivan-the-terrible-and-his...

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Mon, 2017-07-31 20:18

lovedly's picture

take care
I know a guy here is a home bird
a cook brought up three kids
wife worked day and night
one is French the other English

kids speak all mixed
but now he works as no, not a cook
but a preacher or teacher
accept jess's offer
both aussies
Down Under

he matters

if time permits
do scan my 1000 words
so far none has ventured

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