Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

It's okay I'm sorry

I know I've said words
My mouth just went too loud
I'm sorry I'm not proud
Planet earth is too round

I will take you to my house
But beware there you might see a mouse
I've never thought you down to earth
Always took you as a snob

Do you blame me?

The other day
You screemed seeing a cockroach
I even got scared to approach
Maybe you need a coach
On
How to be a wife?
How to hold a knife?

Tell me are you even safe?
Maybe you need a pave
You wouldn't walk on red sand
Help me out I'm trying to understand!!!

I'm sorry okay

It sucks being right
Trying to get though the night
So you can catch the light
Trying to always be in your sight
I wanted to buy a kite
You preferred to Skype
We lost shape
Your parents went to the cape
You started Calling my friend an ape
Just because you were having hake
Couldn't afford even a hand shake
Maybe you just a snake

But for your errors I'm sorry
I wasn't strong
Feelings took me out
I forgot even how to pout
You began to shout
I lost my smile
Broke down our talk about an aisle
Couldn't walk with you for a mile

Babe you just wicked
I'm sorry I gotta leave
I don't have any lies up my sleave

I'm sorry I promised you heaven
Forgot you never made it past grade seven

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 

Comments

If I may be totally honest, I can't really relate to this poem at all. The rhymes are solid and the grammar is perfectly good, but it reads to me like a person who is so full of themselves that they treat others poorly for it.

These lines in particular give me a bad feeling:

"Maybe you need a coach
On
How to be a wife?
How to hold a knife?

Tell me are you even safe?
Maybe you need a pave
You wouldn't walk on red sand
Help me out I'm trying to understand!!!

I'm sorry okay

It sucks being right
Trying to get though the night"

This feels like a "woe is me" poem from the perspective of a person who thinks he's better than everyone else. It is like a person who thinks no one can ever understand him because he is so far superior to others, so he pities himself.

If that is not the case and I've misinterpreted the poem, please do tell me so. I would be happy to be wrong about this one.

Will check out more of your work soon.

Take care,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

Well you right in some way its like the person thinks he's way too lerfect to be wronged or have someone who'll make mistakes

You right he's too into himself also in the lines

"But for your errors im sorry
I wasnt strong
Feelings took me out"

author comment

such a lengthy poem
even she may not read it
or hear it
for whom it's meant

To have an impact young man
compose a poetry of about twenty lines
they will out right shine
read others and your own views define

you are a veritable
poetic gold mine

thanks i will surely read more of others work when i have the time.... and well i often write shorter but when I'm lashing out feelings i flow more

author comment

thanks i will surely read more of others work when i have the time.... and well i often write shorter but when I'm lashing out feelings i flow more

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.