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It's hard to breathe

It's hard for me to put this down
I don't want to see you frown
But I have this thing to do
Please accept my apology to you

I try to bottle-up my feelings
Just to keep them inside
I know I have to tell someone
But I can't even explain

Since I can't tell you
There's one thing I can do
To write a poem
Then maybe you'll understand them

I know I have to ask for help
Just like you told me
But I'm taking a different direction
That's to write to you

Please help me I do not understand
What my fears are
Or what I'm scared of
Maybe you could help me work on that
Then we all can understand

It's kind of a hustle
And a bustle
Or a heavy load
That I myself can't carry alone

I plead with you
To help me carry this load
That's pulling me down
All the way to the ground

I'm just a growing child
Who is yet to understand life
Maybe you teach me
All you know about it
So I don't have to fight
To survive outside

You could be my life coach
But take a different approach
On teaching me the smart side
Of the outside life

I know and understand
I'm leaving you soon
But there's a lot I have to learn
Many more achievements to earn

We could work together
Help out each other
I'm using writing as a medium
To reach you Dad and Mum
Please help me understand
All you know so I stand

Last few words: 
The poem is about me. I'm a teen girl living with Cerebral Palsy which comes with loads of challenges: physical difficulty in walking and writing, mental and psychological, etc. I often think of life and my place in it given my condition. I need guidance from my parents (even in their difficulties) to see me through and be a better person fulfilling my dreams.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I had no idea of the challenges that you face everyday.
You have a remarkable outlook on life.
Your parents should have a good deal of pride in you.

Here are one of my suggestions to help with your poem:

"It's hard for me to put this down
I don't want to see you frown
But I have this thing to do
Please accept my apology to you"

I do believe that this says what you want to say;
you are apologizing to your parents for
making them worry about your mental health and asking them
to worry more, that maybe they aren't doing enough?

I understand that you have trouble talking to them face-to-face
and feel like if you write it, you won't forget to say what you need to say.

You have the makings of a good poet. I don't want to rewrite your whole poem
for you, so I will leave you with the example of what it is to write in rhyme.
As I have said before, you don't always have to write in rhyme.
I believe that you have shown that you can meld free verse and rhyme
and still get your ideas across.
Good luck in communicating with your parents.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks a lot for everything you've said Mr Geezer.
I'm I'm really happy about what you said on my positive outlook on life and the makings of a good Poet.Thanks again.

author comment

I love the tentative way you approach your parents with the desire to communicate with them. you want to help them to understand that, yes you are a teen, but you are growing and changing. you want to incorporate their wisdom in this (sometimes painful) process. (by-the-way, I think you are beautiful, both inside and outside!) my favorite lines are:

I'm just a growing child
Who is yet to understand life
Maybe you (can) teach me
All you know about it
So I don't have to fight
To survive outside

I think you are trying to prepare both yourself and your parents for the time to come when you leave home.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you so much! Lady Cat!
I really appreciate all you've said about me and my inner personalities.

author comment

I have a few inner personalities myself, LOL! I hope what I wrote helps you with your turmoil.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

It sure did and for this I'm very grateful. I really appreciate you.

author comment

A mix of rhyme and free verse....this is the direction in which I see poetry evolving.

It is really cool way of expressing one's feelings. Glad you liked it.
Thank you.

author comment
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