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It's Hard To Breathe

It's hard to breathe
Feels like I'm falling
Black hole waiting
To swallow me down

Can someone help me
I'm losing air;
It's getting harder to breathe
Is there anybody out there

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I much enjoyed your poem. the pace is good. the flow made me feel frantic...on the verge of fear, as it went on, I realized I was feeling controlled fear! the desperation of these lines makes me ache:

A blanket of darkness
Surrounds me; covering my soul
I'm so cold; yet still aware
Does anyone care?

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for the read! I am glad you were able to feel the escalation in emotion and the panic. As always, I appreciate your insight and kind words.

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author comment

the escalation of fear and aloneness. You have the key! Just turn it in the lock and release yourself. Know that you will be alright, and you will know the moment of escape! Well written and presented. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

The ever present fear and panic of an anxiety ridden soul. The feeling of being alone when you are in a house full of people. The choking feeling when you can't pull yourself out. Glad you enjoyed it

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

I agree with the above comments. But I think the poem would have more impact if you revealed Why you can't breathe

Thank you for the read and comment..always glad when you stop by. This is more of an internal struggle. I will have to play around and see how to make it more apparent. Do you have any suggestions?

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

Perhaps just saying you feel you can't breath?

I like how it entices the reader to think about it (the situation) I wouldn't change a word.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I do like how it turned out. The idea was to make the reader think and feel. But I am always open to suggestions on how to improve. :)

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment
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